An Exercise For Forgiveness

[sage]

I've been in major stress mode the last few days -- too much to do at work, school, etc. I described it to h today as having 1 too many balls in the air...it's not so much the amount of work but the fact that it's split into 10 different ways...5 projects (more?) at work, 2 different class, 2 class projects, etc. WHINE.

But you know what...h has rallied, supported, propped me up, listened, suggested, joked and just BEEN THERE. I've talked a lot about how to rebound from flashbacks of the A...but NOW my challenge is to rebound from my misguided belief that my h doesn't want to protect me, love me, support me, be there for me, take care of me, etc. I've had this PICTURE for so long of how I ASSumed he IS and what I'm realizing every darned day is that the picture just ain't accurate.

He is so full of loving gesture towards me...we have this little ritual where if he gets up to go to the gym with me, I give him a foot rub before I leave for work (complete with lotion and all). this AM he got up for the first time in a while and when I went to give him the foot rub was surprised to see that he had written "I LOVE" on the bottom of his left foot and "Sage" on the right.

Does he know how much I love him? that's what I wonder and sometimes worry about...he seems able to capture my heart...do I do that with his, too? I hope so.

Positives abound. I am lucky and grateful.

Sage