She said she does not want to live with me either again soon because of the same reason that we were fighting a lot before we separated.
Why would she…she gets to see you and have lunch with you all the while OM is still in the picture. Does she have any motivation to stop and think about the consequences of her actions? No. IMO, you are not allow her that.
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I agreed with her and said we will be struggling, and I will probably be full of insecurities.
Why agree with her? Why say that you will struggle. It is almost like you hand her some more ammo to put in her gun. You are giving her even MORE reason to keep up the life she is living. Actions buddy speak louder than words. There may come a time where you can discuss your insecurities…and some of the challenges that you may face – IMO, that time is NOT now.
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Other thing she mentioned is that when she gets her appartment that she wants to work on having a friendship in which we learn how to trust each other.
Friendship….wow, is she going to be friends with you and OM?
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She apologized to me about been unfaithful and said she regrets not having the courage to fight our fight in the same side, and that her decisions were the wrong ones.
“regrets” and “apologizes” are IMO, more meaningful when they are follow by actions – not words.
Beside getting her own place, what else do YOU need to FEEL like she is moving in the right direction? After you figure that out, the next question I will have is how do you think you can communicate that to her.
Boundaries….if not communicated are not really effective.
For example – I explained to my XW that while OM is in the picture I will not be a part of her life. That is a clear boundary.
That said, do not go the route of putting boundaries in place until YOU (not I) feel like you can enforce them. If you place a boundary based on anger and cannot enforce it..it has the reverse effect.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I have been seen XW often this week, and the more I listen to her, the more I grow skeptic. The "I love you" "I miss you", "I am yours" from her to me now sound hollow with no actual meaning. A month ago, they would have mean the world to me, now they are just words.
We have been intimate also, and I do enjoy her presence, but like I said her words are just hollow. I realized a couple of days that I am not being reciprocate to her when she said all those things. Yes, I know my actions of still seen her say otherwise, but I have noticed that she is very persistent and wants me to say I love her, or something of that nature.
She is very intelligent and knows how to play the part. About a week ago we were intimate and she ended up with a lot of kiss marks in her body, and honestly it amazes me OM has not find out about it. Yesterday we were intimate again, and she still shows the kiss marks, plus some new ones. Today she sent me a message and told me she needs time for her own and she will let me know when she is ready. Honestly, it made me laugh, I guess she realized how reckless she has been and needs to stop seen me. Hey!! OM has already bought her a huge house, and she knows she will be losing that in the second OM finds out. It just entertains me how she will hide the kiss marks for another week.
I am not braggin about it, all I want to do is show all the stupid things I am doing. I honestly believed I was doing good by staying away from her and letting her live her life. It just took one little moment with her to see all the hard work go out the window.
I just feel anger of everything that has happen to my family. In some way I want to cause them the same pain their relationship has caused me. This anger has been consuming me, and so far I have been able to control it in a way, but I am tempted to let OM know where the woman he trust has really spend her nights. I know, it would not fix anything and will only bring regrets and pain to all of us, specially me.
I pray everyday for wisdom, strenght, patience and a heart that can forgive and take the right decisions. So far, I have not accomplish any of that, just the anger has grown.
Eric, I do not believe 1/4 of what she says she will do. Like you say, actions speak louder than words. I am not seen any of that, she just does not wants to let go of me, just because she enjoys the adrenaline of the situation we are in.
I have to set boundaries, not for her, for me. I have to take care of my well being, and most important of all fix my relationship with the Lord. I am very co-dependent on XW and that has hindered everything in my life. I do not if I am getting my point across, I am not saying she will be getting a freepass and that I will accomodate for her. I want to take control of my life. Let go and let God!!
AA, "tagged" refers to someone -- typically a woman -- using sex as a means of control. It can either be to primally "reclaim what is theirs," or it can be to keep you in line, or it can be a legal tactic (since some jurisdictions consider consensual sex between spouses, after one spouse has committed adultery, to be your forgiveness, or "condonation" of the adultery).
AA, "tagged" refers to someone -- typically a woman -- using sex as a means of control. It can either be to primally "reclaim what is theirs," or it can be to keep you in line, or it can be a legal tactic (since some jurisdictions consider consensual sex between spouses, after one spouse has committed adultery, to be your forgiveness, or "condonation" of the adultery).
Starsky
Interesting, of course other jurisdictions consider making dinner for your spouse to be marital relations restarting any separation time frames.
