Separating Inevitable

[littleGTO]

This is my first post. I have been married 17 yrs and together 20. My husband is having an EA(for about a year now) with OW from work. It was months of trying to figure out what was wrong before he told me he had "strong feelings" for someone else. I have to say the he seems to be in a full-blown MLC which we both believe started soon after his mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. He dropped the bomb on 6-18-12. We have actually been able to talk about things a lot since he told me (and we do not fight), but he has made it very clear he is not willing to give her up. In fact he has talked about moving out every day since he told me, but this was put on hold first for time to think things through, then for our 3 children- S13, S10 and S8. Then his mom got very sick this summer and passed away in August. We agreed that his moving out would NOT be good for anyone until the "dust settled" for our children especially. Now he has definitive plans to move out November 1st and has said he is looking forward to the time and space to "figure things out" and "find himself." He has said clearly that this new place is NOT about HER, although he also says he is pretty sure he will see HER to help him "figure things out." In the same breath he says he "will still be living as a married man," which I interpret to mean no sex, but not sure what else. I am desparate to save our marriage and our family...I love him dearly & didn't even realize our marriage was in trouble until "the bomb." It does seem as though he is in a very "stuck" place, but I am really scared that he will need to take his relationship with her further to realize she is not perfect. She is married, but filed for divorce, same age as he and has two young children. Part of his unhappiness, he says, has come from the routines, schedules and stresses of daily family life. I cannot see how someone in a very similar life situation could make him think he would be happier. He has lately been there for me at times when I get upset and comforts me through hugs and long cuddling (but no sexual interactions). As we have another month before he moves out and then a long 6-months (the timeframe he has set for himself) to figure things out, I'm not sure how to handle myself before and after the move...I've read Michele's books and feel I am in a somewhat unique place as the "affair" hasn't played itself out yet and I'm in "waiting mode." I could use some good advice and support!