My guess is that your wife has major depression again. Likely has issues/ trauma from childhood that still haven't been reconciled. She sounds very much like my H. He continues to say how damaging his parents divorce was to him and that our kids are the most important thing to him when in actuality his actions directly oppose that.
I don't have any answers. I wish I did. It is hard to make them face up to the flaws in themselves. Keep doing your thing and hopefully there will be a crisis that brings it to her. With no one there to blame her problems on (you) then she is sort of forced to look to herself.
Also, the holidays are coming up. Not sure what your religion is. Those are hard while separated. My advice is make it the best holiday season you have ever had. Decorate the house, take the kids to hayrides, pumpkin patches, corn mazes do all that fun stuff. Let her see she is missing out and want to be with you. Same for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Really for us, those were pivotal the first time round. H saw that those were family times and really missed being a part of it. Not just marriage but everything it entails when you have kids.
