I read that you are/were in AA. Have you thought of going to AlAnon. They are different programs with different focus. Many people end up in both. AlAnon, like DB, teaches you to keep the focus on you.
You've received some very good advice here. Are you applying any of it?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss