Can This Be Salvaged?

[leopoldstotch]

Denver thanks for posting. You and Mr Bond may be right about the intimacy but I'm not so sure. Ever since Monday I've been feeling down and I believe it's been mostly due to me starting to worry about how we are going to pay for things and it seems like my wife has been short with me. Last night on my way to my friends house I called my wife to ask her if there was a problem since she seems real short with me the past few days. She said everything is fine and asks what is wrong with me. I told her I would talk to her later about it.

This morning as she was getting ready for work she started talking about what needs to be paid, how much is in the bank etc.
That is when I told her that I was feeling depressed about not working and worrying about the bills. She then gave me the old I told you so speech. "I've always told you to save money for a rainy day and now it's here and we've been married 20 yrs and don't have crap to show for it". I told her that she was right but there was nothing I can do to change that except when I get back to work to just save. I have always been the spender in the relationship. I used to tell her that "you only live once". She also tells me that every year around this time (our anniversary is Oct 3 and my birthday is Oct 11) that I get "sappy". She says that she is a slow leaner but she's "caught on" after all these years that this is how I get this time of year. I didn't even bother to ask her what she meant by all that.

Denver I would love to talk to her about letting go of the past but I think she is more stuck there than your wife is. I want to move forward and leave the past where it belongs but it appears she can't let go and I fully understand why she is that way. I am the one who has shown her that I have gone back time and again to past behaviors.

As far as Dbing goes I have been working out again for the last two weeks. Not to sound stuck up but I used to be built pretty good. Even my sister used to compliment me on how I looked. So I'm determined to get back in shape. I go to my buddies house almost every Friday night. I play softball on Tuesday and Thursday nights with my oldest son in a league. We also play in a league on Sunday mornings. I may be joining a bowling league on Monday nights. I will probably be hanging out more with my one buddy who is recently divorced. I don't follow her around the house like a puppy dog. I don't call or text unless it's important. I haven't told her "I love you" since this all began.

I'm trying to find the balance between being the husband I should have been but also not pursing her. God only knows what she wants.