You sound as if you're doing really well despite your difficult/confusing sitch.
I can't quite get the sense of where your W is emotionally. There seem to be lots of contradictory pieces. I do remember that my H seemed to go off the kids in 2003/2004 when he was off me.
I was interested to read that you're DBing with your kids too. It sounds as if it's paying off and as if you have lovely open relationships with them.
Good luck to you. I'm impressed with how well you're implementing DB and feel inspired.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
