Ugh... so today I'm sick... I went to bed Sunday night perfectly fine. I woke up 2:30am Monday and well, had to spend waaaay too much time on my toilet! I went to work yesterday (bad idea), got progressively worse, pounding headache, freezing cold, achy, and by the time I got home I had a fever.
When I got home I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. When H got home he was back into ignore me as much as possible mode apparently, I was too sick to really care, moving was an effort. He did come out and ask if he could use different pillow cases because he oddly bought new pillows and wanted to put clean pillow cases on them. I told him he could use whatever he wants. (duh!)I told him he could watch tv, I wasn't using it. He of course said no he'd go downstairs. I eventually peeled myself off the couch and went to bed. He came up and seemed annoyed saying I didn't have to move. I told him I wasn't using the tv anyway. He huffed off. I just rolled over and tried to go back too sleep. I few minutes later he came back and started to shut the door, I looked at him, he said I'm just shutting this so the noise doesn't disturb you(he never once said anything about me being sick). I thanked him and went back to sleep. I slept most of the evening, only waking for about an hour and a half, then slept all night. Needless to say I'm staying home today.
Didn't see H this morning again he's apparently decided to go to the gym two days in a row. Oh my, will he ever get a clue... It was sad I couldn't even get a hug when I'm sick (I knew that would NEVER happen with him with the current alien invasion, but still it would have been nice). Oh the simple things that we miss.
OH! Also, I think he may be trying to mess with my head, or he has completely and totally lost his mind.... when I got up to use the bathroom before going back to sleep, when I went to wash my hands, I noticed the soap was sitting on the edge of my sink, the toothbrush holder was turned and he had for some reason put his shaving cream right beside my sink. Strange. The only thing I moved was the soap because I used it, but I have no idea what the heck he is doing..... well not that I have for awhile, but he seems to get more and more strange.... testing maybe? Who knows...
snodderly~ Yep his toothbrush has stayed in the holder since I put it back.
seeking answers~LOL It is funny what they come up with to finally care about! Thank you, some days it is VERY hard living with this alien version of my H! I just keep trying to do the best I can, even though some days I really would like to freak out on him, but I know that would not help at all or make any difference. Some days I think God himself could come down and tell him how stupid he's being and he still wouldn't get it! LOL
hrm, I'm sorry to hear that you are ill. Please take care of yourself. Try to get as much rest as you can today and drink plenty of fluids. Your symptoms sound like the flu.
Your h is really out there, isn't he? Not one inquiry as to whether he could do something for you or what was wrong w/you. I'm sorry about this.
As for the items in the bathroom, he's testing you. I still think it's a game w/him to see just what you will do or say. He's really trying to annoy you so that you'll get angry and say something. He can't figure you out.
Hang in there. Pamper yourself today...you deserve it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with Snodderly, you are being tested, W did/does that sort of stuff...kind of like if we stop responding to their usual button pushing...they try to find new shinier buttons to push. Hmmm, this sounds familiar (scratches chin)...wait...it's coming...yes, I got it...teenagers!!
I am sorry you are sick, just another added thing, right? It's not as if we don't have enough on our plates as it is... Well, at least it's real germs you have this time and not the imagined ones in H's head...
Take this time to take care of you and recharge that PMA of yours...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hi HRM..Agree. I get the button pushing thing too. No reaction from me 99% of the time. I find it really empowering. In a perverse kind of way I feel in control of the sitch. Don't feed the monster. As T says "teenagers". I've survived three of them, so had plenty of practice at it. Keep strong.
GB, i have 3 teenagers in progress, 4 including W...
Don't you just hate it when they find that elusive 1%...(for me its more like 10%)?
Hrm, you are doing awesome. Do you sometimes feel like you are watching a front-loading washing machine when it comes to H? That image came to me this weekend...spinning, round, and round, close, far, close, far, ooops, there's a white sock in with the cotton reds, grrr...
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Keep up the good work, hrm. I'm so sorry you are sick, and hope you are feeling much better soon.
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
GAL and T~ Ugh, teenagers! Of course, the age I hate, again, not finding God's sense of humor funny on that one (no baby for you, but your H will turn into an adult teenager!) Thank you both and thank you too ReachingHigher!
~updates~ Well the good news, my fever and headache are gone,well the flu induced headache anyway!(sense of humor still intact today LOL). I have still spent waaaay more time in my bathroom today than I would ever want to spend!
My mother, God love her, drove the whole way down here to give me a hug while I'm sick! (ok, so she had other stuff to do in the surrounding area, but it made me feel special!) She also brought me some Coke.
I guess it was meant to be that I called off sick today (which I have not done in the 2 1/2 years I've worked at my current job), because I had a really good/interesting conversation with my mom, I guess more ways God is showing me I can back off he's got this all under control.... idk...
One of the random things my mom brought me was a refrigerator magnet that she randomly bought for me at a bookstore, T it reminded me of you because of your quote, it reads: "just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly..." Oddly timed it deed....
Also oddly timed, mom told me about a very vivid dream she had about 3 months ago, she said she didn't tell me about it before because she knew it would make me cry. She said it was a good dream though. I told her to go ahead and tell me, so she did.
In her dream she and her H came to visit me and H and we were at our house, but it wasn't the house we currently live it that she could tell anyway. She said we came up to them all smiles and were trying to decide who would tell them. So eventually she said I told her we were having a baby. She said in the dream she knew it was a girl and she was going to have dark hair, she even knew a name. She said we were so excited in the dream her and I were jumping up and down, talking about everything we had to do since we had gotten rid of all our stuff and H just laughed and rolled his eyes (that would have been something he would have done).
It did make me cry a little, but it was a happy dream, who knows what will happen there is always hope. I felt bad for mom though too, because she was like your H was like the old, fun him.
Just before mom left H came home, he scurried back to his room and shut his door, heaven forbid an interaction....
Later he came out and still seeming like talking to me was annoying he actually asked if I was ok and if I needed anything. I said I am feeling better and briefly told him what was wrong. I also added there were ribs in the fridge if he wanted any (mom brought them from their restaurant, no I did NOT eat them in my flu state. LOL) He of course refused to eat them, but whatever.
I'm glad you are feeling a tad better. I am also glad, even if it was late in the day, your h inquired about your health. Teenagers don't think to ask about such things.
Hrm, God works in mysterious ways and your mother was sent there yesterday to deliver the message about the butterfly. Her dream was interesting and it made me think of new beginnings w/the birth of a child. Her dream was interesting.
I do hope that you are feeling better today. Take care of yourself. You are important to all of us.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
snodderly~Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me!
So not sure what's going on with H, he's gone to the gym every morning this week, hard to tell.... maybe training for his try to bite a whore at a zombie run? Again, hard to tell.... maybe he thinks if he runs long enough on the treadmill he can run away from the anniversary card! LOL *shrugs* who knows. He's definitely in avoid me mode. Which I guess will be fine seeing as how he is leaving tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday some time.
I think being sick gave me too much time to think. I just really wonder how he is capable of having a typical conversation like everything is ok with other people, family, co-workers, guys at the range.... but when it comes to me no way, I have been mystically thrust into the role of arch nemesis (which btw I love how none of my in-laws even freaking questioned that, just jumped right into his fantasy world too!). I know it's the nature of the beast, but it's just so messed up. His support system truly svcks, but I keep praying for a GOOD male role model to come into his life.
It's hard to believe October 11 will be a year since BD. Think about it, I haven't been in a car with my H for an entire year, that's messed up. That's an entire year of my life he's missed out on, and I on his. Only difference is he may not even remember parts of that year from my understanding of MLC.... sad.
I also find it interesting he still hasn't told me his sister is pregnant..... does he think I will never find out because in his head he's still leaving? I mean hello if he would decided to stop running and turn around and face the REAL issues it's going to sound mighty strange when he's like oh yeah and my sister has a kid.
Like I said too much time to think. It's all just a shame and so sad, to push away the most supportive person in your life and for what? More stuff? Random whores who feel good in the moment? No responsibility for a moment? To do whatever you want to do and not care about others at all? Again, it's a sad, sad, shame..... because the thing with band-aids is, they eventually fall off....
Ugh, am I depressing this morning. Sorry, wasn't trying to be, just thinking. Just sad (no worries though, not crying mess on the floor sad) just an over all this situation bites and still being able to move on to joy today kind of sad....
I gave the whole mess to God awhile ago, so I am more than confident he knows what he is doing. I need to stop worrying, what will be will be and I will deal with it.
