Whew fighting these suspicions are tough! All day it just kept going back and forth in my head, the possibility of w to have an EA/PA. But I was able to shove it on the side and kept busy at work, talk to people, read up on sitchs here.
I got home then kept my 180s with the kids, s3 is super attached with me and he kept me busy. I also interacted with s13 and d17 briefly because they have lots of school work.
I heard my W talking with her cousin on the phone about her day and seem like she was really at work. Even if not, I can't control her if she choose to continue the EA that's on her, and I can have a choice not to be a part of that.
All is well, we communicate good now, everything seems good except no love. I got to keep patient I guess. It just feel like the sitch is now stuck, I guess this is how limbo feels like.
Still have this nagging question, what if she wants me to make a move, like big her or kiss her? I guess I could try but afraid of her rejection. I'm so confuse right now.
I also feel like asking her until when are we going to sleep in separate rooms?
I really miss her but it seem like she doesn't miss me at all. That thoughts hurt, especially after being together for 18yrs. O well I guess if there's no feelings and someone you know you can fall back on I guess that why she doesn't miss me.
Well today was good, I didn't interrogate her with questions in light of my suspicions. I cope how to put aside those suspicions. I guess I DB pretty good today.
Newman
me40; W43 M18; T~20 D18; S13 & S3 bomb 5/9/11 EA busted 4/30/12; 9/4/12; 4/29/13; 6/10/13 same OM
Separated 4/1/14
"Even a flicker of light will shine through darkness-12/25/2012"....better days ahead.
