Not sure if this is going to work

[25yearsmlc]

Wait, 25 - about the resisting and resources, maybe you have me confused with someone else? Sorry.

I was the one literally burnt out on resources - MC, IC, MWD books and audio, all other books and audio, etc. I studied ACT, the Work, read a million R books, etc.

As I recalled it, the Div Busting book was what you had not read and you preferred other approaches. Maybe you read them later.

So not sure what to say about that.

As far as people in RL R's - not many. A few, most seem utterly miserable, distant, going through motions, etc.

well that;s^^^ kind of a big deal. And did you say you never "Fell in love" before or did I misread that?

What will you do differently in this r, so that you are not miserable AND OR

how will you create your own happiness?

Yes, and I don't want to be teaching him anything. But I don't know what your point was around that or what I said to prompt that. No, I don't want to teach.

you said you've researched and learned and read and grown more than he has, implying (to me anyhow) that you'll either have to teach or drag him along to catch up, or be mad or dissatisfied that HE'S NOT really ready enough for you...OR Maybe he really isn't ready or right for you??



I do just want to be a couple who is working to make things work and eventually they work. I don't see anything wrong with that.

nothing is "Wrong" with that.^^
But it does begin with love, unless you live in a culture that has arranged marriages and the pressures and support for those, actually seem to help. But if I recall correctly, neither of you can expect a lot of useful support for this r, or maybe that's changed?

I keep asking you about getting tools for getting to this, e.g., better communication and expectations that can be met, and having time for FUN and committing, and setting goals, etc...and you get vague about it. I do NOT think you can learn it all, in books. I just don't - it's too experiential and behavioral.

You have to have it modelled or know what to envision that makes sense

AND then practice it til it becomes second nature. At least that's what I think.



It's a conscious choice. It's not just left to fate and falling in love and then who knows who will fall out of love. It's working together to create something that we both want - a family - and working out a plan - whether it be with finances or childcare or where we live - that is in the best interest of all.

I agree love is a choice, in part...but if there's no spark, in our culture it tends not to work.

And sparks, well, they're very nice.


ESN--- What would you tell your d if she were in your shoes?