Good job, Tumbling! Remember that you are in position to make these decisions. At the same time, asking your H for his opinion makes him feel important and appreciated--a really good thing.
Thank you Tori, LaBug and Wendylon for your ongoing encouragement.
H text his usual good morning today. I wasn't expecting it but I'm bored of it already! I answered using the same words but I find it pointless.
Musing... I have done some more reading on MLC and found a particularly good website about the heroe's spouse. I do think that is what he was/is going through. His texts might be just for reassurance that I haven't checked out completely.
I definitely do not want more of the same all the other times we have started hanging out again. I drove it too fast most times due to attachment to an outcome, tho did take it easy Mar-Jun as was living in the now.
If we are to rebuild it will have to be very slow for me, keep my Self detached as I don't trust it will not explode in my face again (I think this would work better for him too)and reduce my abandonment trigger. So do things together - dinner, walks, movies once a week but nothing too physical i.e like starting a new relationship and no staying over so that the sexual tension builds. We talked about that before he went sailing.
So what to do now?
At this rate of 3 word texts the ability to rebuild is nul. I know I sound impatient as he only broke the silence on Tuesday but I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO CATCH UP ON THE PHONE (no R talk) as it's ages since we saw(12Aug)or talked to(14Aug)each other (and those were first contacts since 10Jul when the conversation resulted in no show on anniversary). Tho there were morning/night texts whilst he was away til the recent pulling away 3Sep.
I am not sure if he is going on business for 3 weeks Sunday or not but if he is that means no coms at all as where he is going there is none.
I guess what I am trying to say is 3 word texts does not build or maintain a relationship in my mind. It's not enough for me. Whilst 3 weeks of silence will be great for GAL and further detaching, it does nothing in any form for the R indeed I wonder if it will make matters worse from my side as I become more take it or leave it/BORED.
I can not think of a way of suggesting catching up on the phone without him feeling pressured.
I am thinking if I get 3 word texts tonight or tomorrow I will not answer to see if he can think of anything else to do with the ball tho I'd rather hint that I miss talking to him and hearing about his day or some such.
What do you think?
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
I wouldn't hint anything at this point. I guess you could try not answering to see if he behaves differently. It's not as if you couldn't text later in the day.
3 word texts wouldn't do it for me either but this stage won't last forever. I don't see how it can go on like this forever.
I can relate to your focus on the dates and the patterns of your communication but it would be easier for you if you weren't so aware of all the details. This is where detachment and GAL come in. Easier said than done.
Hang in there and good luck.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
You're trying to control this and you can't. That makes fixers like us very anxious so we itch to do something to hurry it along, or fix it, or just a nudge in the right direction.
Let it go, even if you get to this point:"I wonder if it will make matters worse from my side as I become more take it or leave it/BORED." maybe that's where it's supposed to go.
Relax, it will all work out.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I agree with Wendylon and Labug, but why not ask when he texts again, "Going on business trip this weekend?" or something like that. If he's going, reply, "Have a good time" and leave it at that. At least you'll know not to expect any word from him during those 3 weeks.
I think you've been very patient, but it seems that you'll have to be even more patient if you are still interested in saving your M, which I think you are. So hang in there.
I guess it might be about my need to control things Labug so that I get what I want & know where things are going.
When I read your comments this morning, my first thoughts were 'I'm saying what he's giving isn't good enough, that kind of attitude is what got me here in the first place. I may think 3 word txts are meaningless but perhaps that's all he has to give right now. Where's my acknowledgement that he's thinking of me?'
There was zero last night & that's ok.
My attitude is so different to before. I held tightly onto everything I was so attached to a particular outcome but that set me up for disappointments.
I just want to say thanks for all the support in getting off the rollercoaster to a place of thinking about me & my needs.
Argh! There was me thinking I could take it or leave it but there was no text this morning. Guess 3 word texts do have meaning to me!
On the drive to work I heard a song on the radio that made me think of H. He used to sing it when we first got together. I listened for a while and my eyes welled up (so tumbling does feel something still) so I changed channels. I text him when I got to work to say I had heard that old song and it had made me smile. I don't expect him to reply.
Looking back that was me trying to get a need met. It seems when I hear from him, no matter how small I do get all tangled up again. I so need to stay focused on me. Tumbling
