So things are working themselves out after all. Good for you mate. BTW, even if she thinks she's done, it wouldn't be the first time here on DB that a WAS who is done gets back to their R.
Cheers Mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
It's a new morning with that old, familiar feeling. I'm sure most of you know the one I'm talking about... That renewed sense of emptiness after a conversation with the WAS. I guess the good news there is I'm getting used to it... Although that doesn't make it sting any less.
Now that I've had the chance to sleep on the conversation (and am one day closer to seeing W again) a few things are sticking in my mind from that conversation:
-I wonder what changed to have her go from not wanting me in the house at all to asking me to help her for an hour or two on Friday night "As long as it doesn't interrupt your plans".
-The whole "I can't get everything I want... Hell I can't get anything I want... Well I should have stuck with the first statement" line is still fascinating to me. She was saying this after telling me how hard it would be to see the puppy, but I feel it may have had a greater connotation...
-Kinda stings that she's so heartbroken about seeing the puppy, but no big deal seeing me
-Her disapproval of her best friend trying to work on her marriage is worrisome... Although perhaps its a case of misery likes company, it could very well be a "Look how happy I am now, don't go back to misery..." Yes Yes, I know this is heavy mind reading here...
So for today, I'll focus on keeping a PMA, try to focus on the good things that happened during last night's talk, and get ready to go see my IC tonight. Just in time!
One more thing she said is sticking in my mind today. She kept telling me that she wanted to get her stuff out of the house so she would "Be out of my hair". Saying that it would probably be better for me if I didn't have to look at all her stuff all the time. I said nothing in response to this... But I've turned it over in my head a few times...
I wouldn't put too much thought into anything she said. She sounds like she's confused as hell. With regards to "doing you a favour" by taking her stuff out of your hair, I've heard something like that too. My W telling me that a divorce would help me get over her more easily. It's almost like they are trying to let us down easy.
"I'm doing all that stuff which will totally mess you up but it's for your own good you know?"
Might be a way for them to deal with the guilt that they surely feel.
Just don't fret over this too much. Focus on what you're going to tell her when she's there.
Cheers mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
Make sure you get a ton of sleep the 3 days leading up.
On the day of.... Make sure you go out to the gym or a run and really sweat it out. To clear the mind.
Remember that you are not an open book. Mystery is good. Only you can control your conversation. She will be just as nervous as you. If she offers any crumbs. Do not take them.
She needs to see that you are not an option, which I believe is part of your boundary.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
I'll try my hardest to sleep plenty leading up to her arrival. The day of, I'll probably be hitting the gym twice: Once in the morning before work, and once on my way home from work just before I see her for the first time in months.
I MUST focus on letting the crumbs hit the floor, as I'm SO hungry for her affection and attention. I MUST guard against being too open. Although I'll WANT to ask her to stay, I'm not sure that's a good idea... Although it would show to her that I'm fighting (one of her biggest complaints since leaving) and that I'm not letting her go easily (another big complaint since she's left) It may also submarine my efforts to tell her there will be no contact between us so long as OM is around...
Yes, me not being an option is a large part of my boundary. No option, no OM.
Hey AT, Wow, what an overwhelming call. It sounds like you did the right things, listening, avoiding R talk, controlling your emotions, etc….Yes, I can imagine the sinking feeling of W viewing things as being over. It sounds like she wants to be your bff, fu!ck that! I also believe your W is saying some things to you to try and relieve her guilt; my W has done the same. I really like what chatter said about having self-respect and only wanting a women that wants to be with me, nothing less. Hang in there my friend.
Although I'll WANT to ask her to stay, I'm not sure that's a good idea... Although it would show to her that I'm fighting (one of her biggest complaints since leaving) and that I'm not letting her go easily (another big complaint since she's left) It may also submarine my efforts to tell her there will be no contact between us so long as OM is around...
Yes, me not being an option is a large part of my boundary. No option, no OM.
HELL NO! Do NOT ask her to stay under any circumstances.
It will completely torpedo the boundary that you have been working on setting for the past several weeks.
Do not do this AT. I have other thoughts, and will post in a bit, but I felt the strong need to give you my opinion on this ASAP.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
