I agree with the others... TO A POINT. You DON'T want to get into "gay boyfriend status" where she comes to you to discuss her OM all the time. I prefer a simple and sincere "I hate seeing you hurting," with a nice, hard QUICK hug, and then talk about something else.
Talking about a formerly wayward spouse's OM/OW should happen on the BETRAYED spouse's timetable, in my opinion, when YOU want to learn more about why she did what she did. For her to just talk about her affair partner with you anytime she feels like it is disrespectful, in my opinion.
