H is being very thoughful. i still will not see him or talk on the phone with him so all is through text or email. i can tell he is trying.
i had previously asked him not to text or email personal things. i also told him that i no longer needed to know when he would be going out of town. i had asked him several months ago to let me know since i have very few (only S and DIL) people i can call on if i need help or have an emergency.
well, today, he sent me a text saying he knows i told him he didn't have to let me know but he felt he had to. he then let me know he would be going out of town and where and when it would be.
he also takes texts about things to do with the house and uses the opportunity to praise me or tell me how much he respects and admires my ablilities at solving problems.
since admitting that he has treated me horribly, i guess he's now more conscience of my worth in his life (and, maybe to him).
it feels pretty good. i foresee problems in the future, though. should we R, i'm not too sure of how to let him know that i don't feel about his family and kids as i did before and that i'm pretty much done with being so involved in their lives.
he has two birthdays coming up (S25 and D23)and of course, Christmas. i don't want my name on any cards or presents. i also don't want any presents from them. it may sound petty, but for years they have failed to thank me for our gifts to them, for the most part. to them, it's as if everything comes from "Dad". i've made significant contributions to the gifts and equal contributions, financially. i don't want to have my feelings hurt anymore.
them telling him to thank me is also not good enough for me anymore. we usually spend $1,000 on his three kids for Christmas and they each get $100 for birthdays. last Christmas, the two boys (then 24 and 26) "went together" to get me an $8 jar opener. they never get me a birthday present (not that i expect one) and they don't call me on my birthday or on mother's day. neither of them thanked me for the past Christmas gifts nor for their birthday money. yet, every birthday of theirs, i also call them to wish them a happy birthday.
even his mother, on her birthday this past june, got her $100 and told him to thank me. only the D(22 at the time), sent me a "text" thanking me for one of her christmas gifts she got a little early (dining room table and two chairs for her apartment). nothing later about the remaining gifts. not even a text, which i consider really bad manners, anyway, and minimal effort. we subsidize this D's rent by $470 a month and we pay over $250/mo. for her and her brother's (24) health insurance premiums.
for the first 11 years we were married, i had to make major sacrifices to help pay the $1,400/mo. child support he was ordered to pay. (lots of wal-mart shopping for me for clothes.)
these are all people i've been giving and doing for for 16 years. i've spent much time and effort on all of them. i just can't anymore. i don't want to be a part of their "family" anymore because it means nothing to them, really. none of them have contacted me since BD.
i read on a stepparent forum something that really describes how i feel about them now:
"Don’t let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs."
that's how i feel now. any thoughts on how to convey this should i have to?
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
