The one other thing that I remember her complaining about was that I used to get annoyed when she would call me while I was working. I used to think that what she was calling about wassomething that she could take care of on her own. So for the last couple of months I have answered the phone with a happy attitude. Same as all my interactions, happy and content.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
"I show any of those things when we aren't together?"
You don't "show" these things. You learn them and make them part of your daily life with other people and your W. If you're with her, then you can do something small like compliment her on her dress or shoes or whatever. Just make your compliment and then move on.
The controlling thing is something that ALL WASs say. It's their way of not acknowledging their own responsibility in the problems.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Very well put. I have been trying to be a better, more patient person with everyone I come across. And really only been thinking about affirmation with my W. It will certainly help to make it a habit to use affirmation with everyone, make it second nature to me. Thanks
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Quick question. My wifes LL is WOA, does anyone know of some good reading material on affirmation? Maybe it is because of my sitch, but it seems so hard to do without acting like I am sucking up to her. I know it would help in all of my relationships, so I need to become a "black ops operative" in affirmation.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
I received my first casual phone call today from my w. Should say first in a few months. My son had a fun run at school today, and my wife attended. The call was basically to let me know how it went, and to let me know that she had to pick up my d from school early, because shes a cold. She also let me know about her plans for the evening. As always I was polite and interested. I have read in a few places that you should reward good behavior. Mind you this call is only two days since she was pretty cold towards me. My question is when she drops the kids off do I say thanks for the call? Or just let it be since I was very welcoming to her when she did call. It all seems so minor but I do know it is all about the little things right now.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
This kind of goes with my last post, it is about saying thanks. My w comes from a family that would say thanks for everything. Where my family was raised with proper manners, we just didn't say thank you as much as hers. It is something that she used to ask me to do. Thinking I could do a 180 there, but again don't want to come off as sucking up. Also wondering about compliments? I know sandi2 advises against it, but today when I picked the kids up I couldn't help but notice how amazing she looked. I am to the point where I am starting to be attracted to other women. Not like in the beginning when I could recognize beauty in women but felt nothing towards them. Just trying to figure out how to subtly flirt with her. Trying to be the lighthouse. Sandi if you are out there, would love to hear from you. Your straight forwardness always seems to keep me in check.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Eyesopen, I know you're worrying about every action right now but whether you say thanks for the call or not will not make things worse. Take it easy on your Self. If you said thanks for the call at the time you don't need to do it again. As for compliments there's conflicting information but when my H was in his confusion state of mind, me seeming to be overly nice to him pushed him away. But when he was in a positive head state, he smiled when I complimented him. Follow her lead.
Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
Wow, a day after a nice phone call I get a call about filling out paperwork for a D together. I told her it is not what I want and I won't help. I listened and tried to validate when I could. She went on about how she isn't able to do certain fun things with the kids because of money. I think she thinks somehow a d is going to make her better off financially. But based on the research that I have done, she is in for a rude awakening. Maybe that is what she needs. I also told her that my heart is open, and although I would like to share it with her, I will make someone very happy. Then I said the thing that I am having the hardest time with is that I don't want to share the kids with someone else. I don't want to give her influence to anyone. And that I don't want anyone else to raise them but me. So in the end she said she is going to hire someone to help with the paperwork. All this a day after she mentioned both of us taking the kids to a play together. Man am I confused.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
Thinking about asking her if see is seeing someone? Is it advisable? I don't think it would change anything for me. Wondering though if see knew that I knew there was someone, but yet I continued with the db path, would that maybe change her view of me? She would know that no matter what she did, I will no become bitter. Maybe my name should be "eyesopen but tottally blind."
Could really use some advice on these last two posts!
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
