awsome stuff here, just even from a quick read....I guess I really need to see this today, 'cause I feel like I'm getting sucked down a black hole...just saw OW in break room, who used to try to be my "friend", who H still hasn't given up....
My only sick advice is to not "coddle." I don't think men (in general) like to feel dependent, so be helpful, but not act as if he is helpless. yaknowwhatimean?
karen
Barely!
That's where I get really STUCK....I want to be helpful and nurturing and caring but not to the point that I smother him...
So...last night h had school (me too!). He's still not feeling totally well so it wore him out, I think! But he was totally loving and wonderful when I picked him up from the train (positive!) and we had lots of good phone chats during the day, too (positive). He also offered to go food shopping today and stated that he really liked helping out (positive).
I was thinking last night about why I find it hard to deal when h is sick...
part of it is what I said above...I stress myself out so much about straddling the line between being caring and being smothering. No doubt, I'm trying too hard, here!
I think that part of it is also that h gets depressed and withdrawn when he's sick and his mood reminds me a lot of when he was involved with ow -- down and withdrawn and distant....all PERFECTLY reasonable things when one isn't feeling well...but I know for certain that last month when he was sick I kept thinking "is this the start of him not loving me anymore?". YIKES.
Some of it is also that when he's sick we have less physical contact and we go out less...AGAIN, all perfectly reasonable when one is SICK but I misread it.
Note to self: stop acting like such a big baby and bottomless pit when h is sick!
AND, part of it is one of the contributing factors (I think) to h's withdrawal from me was a health issue...and probably the way that I handled it (invalidating? always giving him advice? not really listening to how he was feeling? etc?) so I think I do a bit of pre-emptive "I hope you handle THIS better this time!"
And FINALLY....part of what bothers me is a line from one of the emails I read from OW to h on DDAY...it said something like "You always take such good care of me when I'm sick. I want to take good care of you now that you're sick".
Hmmmm...it appears that we have gotten to the root of the problem!!!!
arrrgh.
Must let that go!
NOW...on the VERY positive side...and in argument to all of my bitching and moaning above...when I got home from school last night I found a note that h had left "thank you for giving me such great support while I've been sick". (big positive!)
SOOOOOOO...looks like I'm the only one questioning my florence nightingale impression!
Another big positive...h has study group tonight and I'm picking him up from the train and he asked me if I wanted to go on a "late dinner date". Guess maybe he's missing the QT too?
I am a lucky woman -- big time.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I love reading your positives; they are so awesome.
I also appreciate the way you look at things, analyze things, realize, break sitchs down, etc.....everything. You have a wonderful mind and are a wonderful person.
Thank you for all the help and support you've given me all these months. I would be completely lost without you and Cathy (and so many others on this board...I do some lurking).
Enjoy your H and your "new" M...You deserve it! I hope you have a beatiful Valentine's Day. Minnei
1. Gave a presentation to sr. management yesterday (I do this every other week) about the state of the program I'm running...the presentation went well AND the program seems to be in good shape. I'm feeling good about my work ethic for the first time in a long time!
2. h had study group last night and had asked me for a late dinner date! I love him asking me out! Had a very nice time!
3. I've gotten back into the Flybaby routine by spending the 15 minutes in the AM instead of trying to squeeze it in after work. This morning I tossed out some magazines from 2001 that were tucked into some corner or other in the den. Jeez...how embarrassing!
Looking forward to the weekend! We both have a bunch of homework (h more than me!) so that will be the focus. We do have a romantic date planned for tomorrow evening, though!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: This morning I tossed out some magazines from 2001 that were tucked into some corner or other in the den. Jeez...how embarrassing!
not all that embarrassing sage. Try looking under the couch and finding a nice browning apple or sippy cup with curdeling chocolate milk that your two year old shoved under there...now that's emabarrassing.
How about a poptart with an imprint of a toy car buried in the couch? No telling how long it had been there! Yucky! p.s. not trying to highjack your awesome, inspirational thread, sage - just tickled my funny bone
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Ah, Monday....blech! Looks to be a busy week at work and at school. H and I have sort of conflicting schedules this week (normally we have Tuesdays off at the same time but he's got school this week) so he asked me if we could have a "big date" on saturday (positive!) AND he asked to come to lunch tomorrow (positive!).
Friday night h met me after school for drinks and dinner. it had been a long week for both of us so we called it a pretty early night. Saturday I felt prickly....not sure why exactly...I was just internally peeved and then peeved at myself...it also seemed like I was annoying him though it could well have been just the TON of homework that he has on his plate. We survived completely unscathed...by later in the afternoon we had swapped awesome Valentine cards. that night we went out for a big time romantic date! Lots of positives there, no? Biggest one for me is how we can just get THRU stuff now without tearing each other apart.
Yesterday we both studied our tails off. He came with me when I went to the farm stand during my "break" which just makes me feel SO GOOD! I'm SUCH a LL ho'! I can't get enough of the positive reinforcement!
Yesterday afternoon while we were relaxing h said "do you know how precious you are to me?" I melted. I am very much in love with this man!
Out to a movie last night then early-ish to bed. Made the morning come too fast! But onto another day...I am very, very grateful.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
No doubt, I'm trying too hard, here!
