My story, my progress, my hope

[labug]

I'm crushed!

I actually get to Gilbert on occasion. S(23) is in school up there.

[labug]

And I'll have that glass of wine along with Mach's beer!

[7720]

I think you are in a good position if she is even considering a date...but you should leave it at that...don't pressure her anymore it will only make you look weak believe me I have done that and hate myself after. You don't want to lose ground..someone described it as feeding a squirrel you can't rush it...good luck.

[AnotherStander]

So i know i am making this harder that it has to be. If you look a bunch of posts back you will see that I agreed with her and was supporting her decision to move forward with what she wanted. The i recived a reaponce that made me feel like i had given up and i should not really be so supportive about the divorce and i could still save my marriage. That kind of sent me into spiral and trying to make this date more than it is.

Don't agree (or disagree) with her if she's pushing for divorce. You can validate her feelings without agreeing with her. If she is pushing for D, just say you understand why she feels that way and let it go. Many WAS's bring D up over and over again but don't really want it when it comes down to it.

I'd quit calling this a "date" and think of it more as a "get together" or something. You're stressing way too much over it and you'll feel so much pressure to impress her that you'll likely crash and burn instead. You're hanging too much on this one outing. You are not going to turn this train wreck around with this one event. You're in a marathon, not a sprint. Good luck!

[Tinman]

Thanks all for advice! Labug I owe you a glass of wine and a beer:-) it sounds like our get together is still on for tonight. While i have a clear head i have written myself a note for after to remind me that after tonight i need to truly let go and let her find her way. Easier said than done but i feel ok about it and it will be nice to leave things on a possitive. I need to be strong for my girls, myself and my W.

No backsliding and just try and move on and hope she eventually finds her way back. I think the hardest part will be when she starts dating again. It maybe a good thing for her to see what else is out there but it will hurt none the less.

In preperation for going forward i joined a local sungle parents group that i use to be part of. No intention of dating or looking for another relationship just figured it was a good way to get out and have a little fun instead of sitting at home and wondering what my W is up to.

[longrun]

I hope the get together has turned out well. A very good idea to join the single parents group, it can be useful to exchange ideas how to organize family life.

[Tinman]

Last night my W and I went out and had a great time. We went to dinner and came home to hours of being together and having fun. At the end of the night I walked her home, hand in hand. When we got to her door we kissed, I said goodbye and she said "this is not the end".
It was a very good night we never talked about the divorce once! We are so good together when it is just the two of us. I don't know her intent of the "this is not the end" comment but I took it as a good sign.
Now I need to just figure out how to be and let her find her way.

Scaredsilly and labug thanks for the stern advice / 2x4. Apparently you got thru;-)

[Tinman]

W text me and said she had an awesome time last night:-) next few days will be a bit hard trying not to initiate contact with her.

Last night we steared clear of relationship stuff for most part. She made a comment a few times about how i always have women lined up and ready to go. It kind of surprized me! I have done nothing along thise lines and at the same time she is the one who actually went on a few dates.

Just strikes me as strange when she is the only woman i think about and have worked so hard to mend our marriage. She is truly wonderful and i guess in a way i am a little more at peace letting her figure things out in her own time.

[Crazyville]

I think what you did on Thursday was the best thing you could possibly have done. Also very DB-like.

Time is essential. I'm sure she needs time to heal. It will do good that you are supportive of her needing space, yet still being there for her as a friend and wannabe H. Since your time together is so great when it's just the two of you, it sounds very much to me like your issues were directly related to the ex/custody. Most people here are dealing with spouses that can't stand them personally and things they personally have to do 180's on (not that there isn't anything you need to improve on.) On the positive side, shes like YOU, just not the situation. On the down side, there's not a whole lot you can do to change the situation. It may just mean that the two of you have to create a unique/unusual arrangement. Four houses away is very convenient in many respects at least.

[Tinman]

Thanks crazyville! That is what i struggle with, knowing that my seperation is more about outside influences than anything else. Friday ans saturday were pretty good. She text me a few times. I tried to let her lead. Sat am she said she was out for a walk and if i happen to be outside she would stop and chat. So i actually walked her home and we talked a little and kissed a few times. It was nice. She said she felt so much better without felling the pressure. We even talked about fall break and i suggested that we go on a trip for a few days and she liked that.
Sunday was a bit of a set back. She text me in am and i went down to see her for few min and had a nice talk. She said maybe she would see me later and then i asked if it would be ok if my girls came down and said hello. She said maybe and we left it at that.

Well last night i called to see how she was doing and she said she did not want to see my girls as it made things harder and she felt pressure again. I told her that was fine and i would keep kids completely out of it and i told her i understood.

So now i need to back off and let her be one to initiate contact. I did not realize seeing my kids would have such an impact on her but now i know better. Maybe i should have know. I know she loves my girls and they love her but she does not want them to look toward her as thier replacement mother.

Sat night i went out with kids and friend to an outdoor concert. It was nice. It was part of a single parent group so i kind of did not want to be there and felt a little like i was on the menu. Still had fun and nice to hang out with friend.