I mentioned earlier that my wife is out of town for work today and tomorrow, and that I wanted to do something that would surprise her. It has been starting to get cold around here, so I decided to get her some flannel sheets for her bed, and just put them on before she gets home without saying anything.
Knowing she would enjoy it, I also drew her a bath. We talked a bit about her trip, she even laughed some, but still seemed cool and distanced. Then she started to type on her ipad. I was in process of making a nice dinner when she came in and abruptly asked “How Long?”. (until dinner would be ready) I later wished I had addressed her tone as inappropriate. This is one of the boundaries I am working on: I expect to be treated with respect. Would she have asked a friend or co-worker a short and abrupt question in the same tone? Nope.
She complimented and thanked me for making a good meal.
When she learned of the bath she said “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that”. I replied “I can’t do anything nice for you?” and quickly realized this comment was a mistake. She did not reply to it. She enjoyed her bath and sang along to her ipad songs, which included some of her favorite ‘moving on and leaving’ songs.
“I wonder how it's going to be When you don't know me”
“You got to go when your heart says go Isn't that so”
“Now you’re just somebody that I used to know”
“Save me, I'm lost Oh Lord I've been waiting for you I'll pay any cost Save me from being confused Show me what I'm looking for”
I’ve grown used to her playing and singing to these types of songs, and never show any reaction to it. Heck, one time many months back, she came into the room, sat down right next to me and hit ‘play’ to this one:
“You know I'm not one to break promises I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe At the end of it all, you're still my best friend But there's something inside that I need to release Which way is right, which way is wrong How do I say that I need to move on You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you There's nothing I can really say I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more Got to be true to myself And it feels like I am just too close to love you So I'll be on my way”
Ouch. Thankfully, she has started to include many other types of music to her play lists. Older songs that I actually like, and sometimes she plays introspective and calming new age stuff with no lyrics at all. (She finished off her bath with this)
Not a word about the new bed sheets this morning. And the coaster rolls on...
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
