Dont apologize for not having the gift of sweet notes. I am a "Rip the band aid" kinda person.
To clarify on the bills thing. I have paid all the bills for years. She did for the first 8 or 9 years or so but she was terrible at it. I took them over about 4 years ago. The bills that she uses the $1500 dollars for are for the bills she accumulated when she left me and the kids. I still pay all the bills compiled together.
Journaling now:
Got a text from her this morning, questioning me on a $400 dollar withdrawal from my bank account (she can still see it online). I responded the 340 went to the van payment, 43 went to her (yesterday), $12 dollars went to filling up my motorcycle, and $5 was spent frivolously. I was p!$$ed. I went on to ask her "since you have the right to as where my money goes, do I have the same right to ask where D15's goes? She replied "YOUR MONEY"!!! I said "So the paycheck I recieve is "ours" and the one that you get for D15 is "yours"? YES I WAS BEING A SARCASTIC A**. She went on to list all the things that she supposibly pays for with taht money. She also said a few sarcastic things. My response was "Lets get this out now!! When you wanted to be married, yes everything (money) was just as much yours as it was mine. You had COMPLETE access. Since you now want out of this marriage and do not want to work on anything, it is not. Now... I will continue to buy all the food, pay for vehicle repairs, pay the bills we accrued together, house repairs, kids clothes, and bill, bills, bills. If you NEED anything, I will do my best to provide it. I'm broke, so I cant provide much...
She kept questioning how we got here financially. I told her that it was an irrelevant conversation and I didnt have an answer. I told her that we were both to blame and I wasnt trying to put the blame all on her.
The last text I sent her was as follows:
"I am sorry for the pain I have caused and the wedge that has been driven between us. I did what I thought was right. I really just dont think you and I wanted the same things. I am not trying to hurt you or keep you from anything. I understand that you want someting different, so i will file the paperwork that week. I have had it for a while, just never wanted to file it. But the War is lost, I have no fight left.!"
Thats the way I feel. I am so sick of this, I cant go on living this way. I am done. Gonna file the paperwork as soon as I can.
