Though, somehow, I think we're missing the supposition that if we are happy with ourselves, in ourselves, and also respect ourselves, we choose partners that mirror that.
Quite right. And not only that, but happiness/ contentment is infectious. If we're content/ happy, people around us will be as well. It's like 5LL goes into, if your love tank is empty then you fill it up by first filling your partners love tank, then they WANT to reciprocate.
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It's just tough for me to know right now whether my relationship with EXbf will be far different from what it was in the past. We're not even two weeks in.
If you're following DB and changing yourself, then the R will have to be different. If one person changes then the entire dynamic also changes. In reading your posts it sounds to me like you've changed a lot!
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Having said all that, I am really wary of advice about "being happy with someone" simply b/c I think so much of our culture is so tweaked toward having their love relationships be their everything and put a lot of pressure on whether the person is "making them happy" or unhappy, etc.
I don't think that's the purpose of a relationship - if someone is making you happy. Sure, you're happy spending time with them or being together, etc. But that happiness is not *dependent* on them.
Yes, exactly. ALL people cycle through different moods and emotions, so we can either ride the roller coaster with them or we can detach and remain positive and let them ride it. My personal experience is behaving per the latter brings them back to the top a lot faster. It's hard to remain in a funk when your around positive people.
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And I see a lot of marriages where people are disillusioned and blaming... or angry or unhappy with themselves and blaming others. I was this way in the past. I blamed my ex for more than his share of why I was feeling unhappy.
And that's where my W is right now. She said she wasn't "happy", hadn't been for quite some time, and I'm the reason. That's why I bought her the book (after sending her the first chapter and asking her if she was interested in it). She is reading it, so hopefully she'll begin to understand where happiness really comes from. I've done a lot to facilitate her happiness- giving her plenty of freedom to explore different things, etc. But I can't make her happy, only she can do that. And she doesn't know it yet.
