Note to self...when looking for old emails (for work) in your "sent email box" do NOT wander down the cheeseless tunnel of reading "bomb time emails" that were sent between you and h and (ugh, ugh, ugh) you and OW who was trying to be your (ahem) friend at the time. They will make you possibly feel sick to your stomach.
OR...they will remind you of how far you've come.
Yah...THAT'S IT!
Well now that that unexpected trip down memory lane is over...onto positives:
1. h called me a bunch of times yesterday to talk about his thoughts on going to school full time. At one point he called to say "since I'll probably be going to school in the summer we won't be able to take our normal vacation so I think it's really important for us to set aside special weekends to be together". This is HUGE. It's amazing to me how thoughtful h is about our QT together.
2. Got a date tonight! A movie...a quick bite!
3. h sat and snuggled with me after he got home from school last night.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Hud and Pam, Thanks for coming by my friends! Work + school have been hellish this week so thank goodness for HOME and H and you guys!
Postives: 1. have been getting great phone calls from h. He's been very expressive and loving.
2. last night h asked me for a "big hug". we've both been super busy lately and I love how we're BOTH seeing "gosh, we need to carve off some time together". It makes me feel really good when HE notices, too.
3. I realized today that I've been wanting/missing more physical contact with h in the last few weeks and that I had actually sort of pulled away/cordoned myself off as a result...now THAT'S not good (of course) but the positive here is that I was able to DETECT it. I don't know if it sounds weird but now I know to put some extra effort into physical closeness with h.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
My day has turned out a lot busier than expected so I haven't been able to post...gonna hit and run here (again!) so I can finally get some homework done!
I met h in town last night after he had his study group. The first interaction was weird, actually, he seemed "strange" in a way that I haven't seen in a while...maybe just a bit emotionally/physically reserved? We started walking to the car and after about 5 minutes of walking he pulled me aside and gave me a knee-weakening kiss (positive #1). What I actually later wondered (don't worry...not gonna spend too much time thinking about it) is whether or not h was worried about MY initial reaction (since he'd been studying with FF and I've been putoff by that in the past) and he reacted in advance of that.....MORE supporting data for the IDEA that we create what we anticipate (by him being standoffish, I could have easily reacted badly) AND for the idea that "acting as if" is a very powerful tool.
went out for pizza and beer. Had a great time with h (positive #2)
(positive #3) h took charge of a home situation that we've been struggling with forEVER. It was SO COOL to know that it was in his capable hands!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Stopping by, slice of carrot cake on a pretty plate for ya. You are really helping me focus on the good stuff, wanna say thanks so much for the PMA boost.
I love and keep learning from your forgiveness exercise. Had to use it on one of my pooches who had a messy moment at the worst time -- rather than yell and fuss, I took things in stride.
You sound real busy -- yet you have time for us. You rock.
As I start school for the first time in years, and look for another job, and keep at guitar lessons, and keep fit, and learn to cook veggie meals, and become a better pitcher to my ball-obsessed boy-dog -- I will turn to you for inspiration and keeping SANE.
How cool is it that you visualized wanting more phyisical touch -- then got it?
Ah ms. Bridget! I love when you stop by...your DB'ing is an inspiration to me! You grow and grow and grow...what are you studying??? (Besides life and guitar!)
You can bring me carrot cake anytime...would be my pleasure to share a real (not virtual) piece sometime in this life!
Up early 'cause I have a group meeting at school today -- yawn. This weekend has been good so far in terms of mood, feeling around the house...know what I mean? I'm starting to notice the absence of uncomfortableness...what a relief!
I got home from work Friday and h had a plan ready -- dinner and a movie -- we had some time so we hung around in the bedroom just snuggling. An interesting thing happened...h had not been feeling well for a bit so while we were lying there he said "I know we haven't been ML as often as you would like (??) but I want you to know it's because I haven't been feeling well. I love you so much, you are so beautiful and sexy and dear to me." NICE -- verbal affirmations! Bring 'em on!
I did fine too ('cause I felt it) and just let him know that I knew how much he loved me, etc.
Happy sigh.
Had a great night at the movies. Went to a chinese place that's SPICY!
Yesterday h had the guard. I hung out in town all day then went out with my younger brother. He's 13 (14?) and full of personality. He wonders why the girls don't see it so we talked about that...me full of adult sounding wisdom. Yikes! It pains me to see how much he's hurting over not being chosen...
Came home bearing takeout for h and found him definitely in the throes of the flu. Ugh. We went to bed super early.
He's back at the guard today...I'm off to school. It'll be a quiet night. Not a bad thing at all!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Yesterday was a good day. I had a school meeting in the AM which was productive. I got out of there earlier than I thought I would...ran some errands and then had a bunch of time at home to do some at home things I've been putting off! I got up early both days this weekend and it just seemed like it made a HUGE difference in what I got done and how much free time I had...note to self on that one!
h got home from the guard...he is very sick! Even sicker today as far as I could tell from him this morning! He let me take care of him a little...make some tea, go out and get dinner, etc. This AM he seemed less inclined towards pampering but it could have been the early hour!
Anyway...last night we relaxed in front of the TV and went to be fairly early.
I've been thinking about my goals yesterday and how I want to get a bit more concrete on them...
I'm still meditating daily
Doing OK with diet and exercise (AM joining weightwatchers.com today for a month to see how THAT goes!)
NOT doing well with flybaby stuff. MUST get back to 15 mins/day
Have nothing specific around R...other than to relax and open to love, affection, trust...not too concrete! But I think that's ok for now.
I'm thinking about adding something on 180s...maybe do something each week that SCARES me??? (Not like bungee jumping but like putting on a crown molding or something...maybe bungee jumping someday?)
That's all from here! Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
What I actually later wondered (don't worry...not gonna spend too much time thinking about it) is whether or not h was worried about MY initial reaction (since he'd been studying with FF and I've been putoff by that in the past) and he reacted in advance of that.....MORE supporting data for the IDEA that we create what we anticipate (by him being standoffish, I could have easily reacted badly) AND for the idea that "acting as if" is a very powerful tool.