Hey I got some gumpshun tonight! H was all depressed and wanted to talk. I told him trust is paramount. Since this second betrayal I can't handle it. I told him he promised no contact and broke it. He said we had other problems to talk about never mind the ow. Ha! I said this marriage has to be fixed one thing at a time and first and foremost is TRUST! I found out tonight that not only did he make calls but they had coffee. And H said what's wrong with that? Of course he didn't tell me because look how upset I get. H says he can't talk to me when I get that way. Boy you know that just pissed me off. Then he said I can't believe you are gonna keep on that. You are not listening to me I got alot goin on. Yadda, Yadda. I kept to the issue while he kept trying to dodge the elephant in the room.
I told him he has no remorse. He says he does. NOPe. Doesn't show any to me and is defiant and defends his contact with ow as if it's innocent. Last friday he said he was just friends with her and there's nothing wrong with that. well now he says that he was wrong but it was a kneejerk reaction to my snooping.
I asked him if he thought it was wrong to contact her after he promised me he wouldn't he said something like well yea. (not exactly his words) I read him something I found from a web site about remorse and what he should be doing if he wants to work on the relationship. He is doing nothing. I told him if he wants a friendship with her he may have it and then I am done. He can pack up and go. I told him he should be giving me passwords, letting me know where he is, getting counseling etc.
I said maybe you don't want to leave because you don't want to be alone. Then he said well according to you I have the ow. So that's not it. I said well then maybe shame cuz your mom would find out. H says no if I didn't want to be here I would be gone. So I said You want me? You do the work. You do something to regain trust. I have worked and worked and got nothing. Think about it. Goodnight. So I am sleeping in D's room. Let him ruminate.
Dr james dobson says sometimes a crisis must be forced. It's comin to that. He needs to suffer some consequences like being on his own.
