Thanks again, its great to have a mans perspective on these things! I removed the status line from my bb. I can't wait to get the book. I know the things I have done wrong like ignored him when we were home together or I went out a lot. So I'm staying home more. He said to me once "I got used to you being gone" so now he has to get used to me being here. The REAL me. I also didn't show very much affection but how do I show him affection to him when he doesn't want me to? My therapist said make small gestures like rub his arm, or stroke his back, fix his shirt, that type of thing so I'm trying. But that seems like the opposite of what people are saying on here - by going dark and ignoring him. I'm confused frown he's cold and distant and I don't think he would care if I talked to him at all. But then he says goodnight to me and leaves the green jube jubes which he doesn't like but he knows I like them and put them on the counter in front of me. Its soooooooo confusing!! Also, what's the rule about sharing with my friends my efforts? I'm worried that it could get back to him through their husbands. And I'm trying to GAL but I really don't have a lot of close friends now and my daughter needs me right now, she is going through a very rough period, adjusting to school and I know she senses something is wrong at home. Its another thing I felt I did, not spend enoguh time with her, I worked a lot even at home. So I'm trying to change that as well, no more work at home. Sorry for the long post, looking forward to seeing my therapist tomorrow. Thanks again