An Exercise For Forgiveness

[sage]

Had some tremendous positives yesterday..

1. when I picked h up from the train he said "hello my beautiful, supportive, lovely, warm..<snip more wonderful words from h!>" He went on for so long with loving and affectionate adjectives

2. h has been showing a genuine interest in hearing about my schoolwork. This is actually a very big change from years past when either a) he wasn't particularly interested or b) I just thought that he wasn't. He asks questions, remembers stuff that I tell him, etc.

3. h said to me last night "tell me one good thing and one bad thing about your day". I LOVE this way of sparking a conversation! PLUS, it gave me the opportunity to bring something up with him...

Yesterday afternoon I was in major stress mode...had a big presentation due today for work and I was behind on my homework (due yesterday) and I was just in THAT mood ...I was on the phone with h and I was abrupt with him when I was getting off because I really, really just needed to go do work.

When he asked me about the good/bad thing I told him that the bad thing was that I had found myself in such a stressed out mood and that I had been abrupt with him (I didn't mention spinning on it mentally for hours afterwards, too... ). He said (lovingly) "just tell me clearly when you need to be doing something else..." etc. We talked about it for a bit longer. It was a great, great conversation.

THAT stressed out mood + ASSumptions = the ball of fury I was talking about in my Monday update.

When I get stressed and start thinking that I'm alienating him or he won't help me or a thousand other mind spins...well, that's when I get closed off/frustrated/withdrawn/angry. Having him remind me that it's AOK to just be CLEAR with what's up with me and what I may need from him is going to go a LONG way for us. Frankly, this area is a BIGGIE and getting thru it is a big step.

I am a lucky, lucky, lucky, grateful woman.

Sage