Ramblings and the sort from a 1st timer.

[sandi2]

You're under a lot of pressure and your emotions are trying to rule your life. You have a right to feel the way you do.

It's very obvious that your W doesn't know how to handle money, or else she's keeping a big secret about something.

You've tried to do what you thought was right toward your SD's support money. She's proven that she doesn't have the same integrity. At least, that's the way it appears. Has she always paid the bills? She said SD's checks went toward paying bills, like you aren't aware of what they are. Maybe you should keep all the books from now on, so that you do know what all the bills are.

In your W's defense about asking you for gas money.....it always bugged the mess out of me to have to ask my H for money. It put pressure on him and I resented the heck out of it. So, since you can't afford to leave your check book for your W, then I'd suggest you give her a set amount at the beginning of the work week and tell her that's all she gets till the next week. Of course, you need to ask her ahead of time if there's any doctor appointments, beauty shops, etc., before you give her any of the money. A lot of women have to live on a budget in this day & time. She'll probably not like it and say you're trying to put her on an allowance, which is true, but it doesn't have the degrading feel to it like holding her hand out every time she needs something. Perhaps you've tried this in the past and it didn't work.

Plainly, she can't be trusted or she hasn't been educated in budgeting. JMHO, but I'm not so sure I wouldn't prevent her from having access to your personal account until she has started respecting it more.

Another suggestion I have, but on a different topic, is not to make statements about your goals. Have you ever tried to stop smoking before? A non-smoker learns not to get too hoped up when they hear the S is going to quit smoking.......again. I don't encourage it while trying to DB simply b/c you already have so much you're trying to accomplish. But whatever you do, don't give her more to throw in your face.

I know I don't have the gift of encouragement and write real sweet posts. Doesn't mean I don't wish you the best. Keeping on hanging on b/c you will get better. Don't take on more than you can handle, and you'll discover you can handle more than you took on. Does that make sense? (lol) I believe you will handle more than you feel like you can....right now. If you don't reach one of your goals today or tomorrow, it doesn't mean you are a failure as a man. Don't give up and jump off the entire mountain if your foot slips.