Kaffe Diem, As I read through your post now I am really not sure what his LL may be. In the past I think I would say "Acts of Service" but now I am really not sure. I have been trying to do "Acts of Service" but he is just seeing that at me trying to keep him in the marriage.
Example: I would do the laundry, but now I am sure his is done first then our S's and then mine. I would usually make him bring it down and then back up stairs. Now I just do it my self I do not ask. I cleaned out our office that really needed a good go through. Since we moved into our house 7 years ago, it has kind of become a dumping ground. So I went through the whole thing and totally cleaned it out. I have cleaned out 5 closets in the house and re organized the kitchen. This is just a few things. None of which he even commented on. During one of our "discussions" he said "I notice everything you do, but because you need praise for things you should automatically be doing I am not going to give it to you"
When he says stuff like that I am just hearing spite. Sure these are things I have neglected and doing them has given me a huge since of self accomplishment. I tell you when I cleaned out the office I was very proud of myself. It was a huge job and I got it done. My S told me "Mommy the office is so clean now. You did a lot of hard work" and to be honest that was enough for me....
I think right now it is so hard to see what his LL is. He is concentrating so much on detaching from me I just cannot tell. I originally thought it might be touch, but when I try to initiate anything I ask him what he wants and he responds "you are running this show" "whatever you want"
Over the weekend he fixed my Brakes. But now I am thinking it was a necessity. If he did not do it it would cost too much $$. This is a hard one because through our marriage he would work long hours, and in my opinion sometimes was not necessary. But to him, he worked long hours to earn more $$ so we could do extra things. I took this is he would rather work than be with me. (Back story I have always made 2x's as much $$ as him, sure him working longer is nice but it was never a necessity) So right now he is not doing anything for me that is out of love. At least I do not see it.
Pursuer or the pursued? Good Question. I think through our our relationship this has flipped flopped. Dating I was the Pursuer then a few years into our M switched to him. I was pulling away (We had a hard time having kids so I got depressed I had 6 miscarriages etc) Then the A happened. He was still the Pursuer but then his EA happened and it turned to me. So there has been a lot of flop flopping.....
