OK, well that sounds like you're on the right track then. Don't forget to take stock of what is and is not working now and then and make adjustments as required.
Originally Posted By: icDude
But part of the problem still lies in some of her statements of needs. She has said that I did not give her the words of affection or acts of affection that she needed in the past. And now that I am she doesn't seem ready for them. Also an attempt at 180.
Yes, I can sympathize because my W's love language is WoA, but when I learned that and started working on it she was not receptive to it. What I did was change gears to offer her the kinds of WoA that a friend might rather than a lover or husband. Less pressure that way. So for example she comes over to my house each morning and gets the kids ready for school, so I tell her how much I appreciate that she's willing to do that despite our sitch and that she is a great mother and wonderful person for it. Now I in return pick up the kids after school in the afternoon and she has never once acknowledged it or thanked me for doing this for her (I do it on my weeks and her weeks), but that's the whole "it takes one to tango" concept of DB'ing. We have to keep working hard at it and accept that our spouses will do little or nothing in response for quite some time.
By the way, it's "words of affirmation" (in 5LL terms), not "affection". I understand that she may have said "words of affection" in MC, but understanding the actual LL as presented in 5LL might make it easier for you to see ways to fill her love tank without feeling the need to be affectionate. She is likely to be receptive to WoA, but not affection. Check out 5LL for more info on this and the other languages of love.
