Hanging out, down the street

[JustStunned]

Thanks for the response Kaffe.

This isn’t a dream. This is the new normal and how good it gets is up to us. I do know the dreams through, vivid dreams.

I know seeing her was the trigger. She is not the person I married or maintained a relationship with over all these years. She doesn’t even seem to be the person who ran away or who divorced us. She is so damaged. I know she needs to work through her issues and I am oddly at peace to let her do so. There was a period when I would have attempted to rescue. I feel as I am past that. She is a stranger.

She is breathing. There is no arterial spray. She is wounding herself and I cannot treat her shock.

I am slowly removing the last vestiges of her presence from the house. As I do so I continue to find evidence of her crisis. At some point she began writing in notebooks snippets of information and feelings. They are interspersed with shopping lists and other mundane notes. I have stopped torturing myself and toss every notebook I find. I have not yet touched the computer she used. When I am ready I think I’ll boot it off a CD and wipe the drives. There is nothing I need upon it. I cannot explain why I have not accomplished this yet. I know what Chesty would do.