Well, I've been pouring this over in my head for days now and I think I need to veer off the path I've been on, at least for this conversation.
Although it goes against what most of you are suggesting (and it may be a mistake) I can't keep on down this path I find myself on without the knowledge that I've let her know where I'm standing. The conversation may lead to the end of our marriage, but not having the conversation isn't going to be good in the long run either way... I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her for no reason, I don't want her to think I'm condoning her actions, and I don't want her to think I'm not actively fighting against nearly insurmountable odds to save our relationship. Again, this could be the beginning of the end, and clearly I hope it's not, but I've been floating here for far too long without taking the wheel a little bit and steering my way into a situation that I can at least exert SOME control over.
I really wish I could do it in person, but I suppose the phone will have to do in this case... Again, it's not ideal, but neither is ANYTHING right now! After the call, I'll probably follow up with an email to ensure I was able to properly express all the thoughts I needed to... And to give her something concrete that she can reference in the future, should she have doubts that her current path isn't ideal.
At the least, it will put my mind at ease and allow me to fully "drop the rope" without the nagging doubts that cloud my mind about her possibly seeing me as condoning the A, or simply waiting for her to change her mind. I need to take this stand, not to show her my new found strength and boundaries, but to prove to myself that these things are a part of me now, not just some ideas I have floating in my head.
And now I'll listen to your responses...
I'm torn on this AT. I really am. I get why you would want to do this. I am also concerned about how you will appear by reaching out of the dark to do it. I believe that she knows why you have gone dark on her. I doubt that you married a stupid woman. I believe that you are making a statement with your actions.
Lastly, I still believe that she will reach out at some point, and THEN you can make your well prepared statement.
Tough call though.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
