Hi Kaffe Diem, Thank you very much for your reply. Apparently I was taking the "Detach" too littery. I really thought it meant to emotionally detach from my H, in the same way he was to me. My counselor did say to "listen" to his emotion and not so much the exact words he is saying. I already know my H has a hard time choosing his words so I have been really trying to understand what points he is trying to make.
I had a PA affair 3 years ago but my H had a EA 3 months ago. So as far as trying to understand his points I do. I get his actions, I get his feelings when it came to this. He said It really started out as someone who was "Going through the same thing as he was" "More of a sounding board" then she tried to progress the relationship and that was when I found out. He hid it from me, he denied it at first, until I found her nude pictures in his email account. Anyway. I get it, I get why he felt drawn to her, I get why he felt connected. I have been there. So I understand. But for him I had the PA, he thinks that was much worse than the EA he was having. I don't necessarily agree because I really do not consider our actions a game of "Who did what worse" So for now for me they are both inappropriate.
I do think I should table the "Mysterious" thing. It was really not working for me and to be honest I felt worse doing it. I knew he would perceive it the way he was and I was right. Being more open is more my way. It is just difficult now because he is not telling me things, like where he going and what not.
I am Galing I have taken up agility with our dog, and I am playing Fantasy Football for the first time. So those have been fun for me. My H does not like football so he just does not get it.
The 5 Love Languages. Yes I am familiar. I did not read the book yet but there was a little quiz on line on their site you can take that would tell you what yours was. I had 2 that were a number off from each other. The interesting thing was one is "Words of Affirmation" This actually came out in our first round of counseling. He would never tell me if he noticed something I did, or even say "Love you" to me. When this came out he was very mad. He thought it was "Stupid" for me to want a verbal reassurance. For him his actions should have spoke volumes. Him working all the time, or landing a new job that would pay more but would require more of his time. He thinks I should have see this as his way of telling me he loved me instead of him actually saying it.
So with that said without me really asking him to take the love language test I would say his is "Acts of Service" Because he thought by him doing things was showing me love. I would like to have his actually take the quiz but I really doubt now he would be up for it.
As far as things he has complained about me. I do have a few. I will compose those for a new post.
