i just want to blip over and lend my support & understanding to you. it's an awful place to find yourself in life- i'm sorry to see you here- there are alot of us here trying to work thru the same thing. I've found this forum to be a life saver of sorts- whenever i'm spinning out of control & my thoughts are getting tooooo extreme - i can come here for some moderation- and other points of view, etc. lots of homespun wisdom in these pages & posts. and inspiration to see soo many people trying what we're trying- to hold it together & keep on working at it.
your w sounds alot like my h. somehow he figures out (now) that I am the reason for all of life's bad things- instead of the reverse. my h is having an affiar tho. hopefully your wife isn't.
it's awful and soooo arbitrary and unfair- that being said -
she's not gone; she's still around and in your life. some days i wish it was all over because he uncertainty and unfairness of it all makes me want to hate him and leave - (- i guess i don't ). i think it's the worst thing i've ever felt in my life- and it's surely been the worst two years of my life - BUT i'm still standing- still trying and he has not done anything hugely definitive like ending it all either.
i don't know what to do or think other than that little ray of hope still exists in me i guess- and as long as it's there- and the other person has not disappeared from your life- i'd think there is , in fact, some hope.
if you feel like ranting, this is the place to come to. lots of understanding- and fellow-feeling. if you make a plea for input- someone usually has something to offer- you can choose what helps you-
my h is rewriting our history- it hurts- it's so crazy tho, what he says, that sometimes it helps me be objective and not take it personally. (wierdly enough) (a beneficial thing) when you are characterized as someone you know is not you- it makes you realize how goofed up their brain & reality has become (for the moment) (hopefully- that is, for the moment and not eternity).
i've been doing this about a year & feel like there is a long way to go- i don't know how long i'll make it and continue- honestly, it truly is a one-day-at-a-time thing. you can always walk away tomorrow- i just tell myself that every day- one more day- one more nite- we all have alot of inner strength that we didn't know was there- good luck- keep coming here- and reading other people's posts- it really helps. and keep reading the bit in the book about mlc- it takes it all down a notch to know that it's soooo predictable that it's not just you- it's mlc - and there may be hope for you & w (in the end).
