Is my marriage still doomed?

[AnotherStander]

Time for some 2x4's, you're getting good advice in this thread but it doesn't sound like you're following through. I'm also not seeing any discussion of DB techniques here, and it's important that you focus on that.

My W has suggested that she is no longer in love with me and has had an affair with her ex-high school boyfriend. She claims to have ended that affair (three weeks ago) and says that she is here and willing to work on us. We have three kids and a home; Many stable things that need to be tended to.

Have you taken stock of what went wrong in your M that drove her to OM? Have you written a list of those things and started doing 180's on them? If so, why haven't you posted them here for review/ comment? What is your list of baby steps? Your W has sent you a message that she is not happy with the M nor with you. She has lost her feelings for you. DO NOT proceed with "more of the same" behavior because she will leave sooner or later. You are very lucky that she is giving the M a chance, but it's barely clinging to life support right now. You've got to make some big 180's.

She says that she is giving me everything else, but she claims that she does not have the emotions she needs from me, and can not give me the emotional support I need without her own emotions.

You are lucky that she is communicating this to you. Most of us never got that, we just got "I'm tired of trying, goodbye" out of the clear blue sky. Validate her emotions, tell her you understand why she feels that way. She's communicating to you that her love tank is empty, pick up the 5 Love Languages (it's a quick read) and learn how to fill her love tank back up. Start working on that and stick with it, it'll take her a while to believe you're genuine and not just trying to get her back.

Now for me, the only thing I need from my W is emotional support. As far as all other needs, I can get them elsewhere, it is only the emotional needs that have to come from my spouse.

Wow. This is a scary statement. Your W is probably expecting 100% support in the marriage whereas you view it as just filling one of many needs, the rest of which you look outside the marriage to fill. This may be an area you need to do a 180 on.

She is being a good mother, a good provider, and is good at tending to our home. But that support has never ended, even during the affair, and is about the home and the children, not necessarily me.

What about you? Do you share these responsibilities, or is that all your wife's "job"? Have you taken any of that load off of her so she can explore who she is? Do you think she enjoys washing your dirty underwear and socks, or do you think maybe it makes her feel like your mother?

A part of me still wonders if she is really committed to reconciling our broken marriage or has just stepped away from the ledge of divorce to catch her bearings again.

You keep indicating that you are waiting for her to make a move. YOU need to make a move. YOU need to show her why you're worth giving another chance. YOU need to do all the work. YOU need to change. That's basic DB'ing- it takes one to tango.

In fact she has confessed her worry that emotions from her may not be possible. Or that it may take months to years to rekindle.

Again, you're lucky. Your W has realistic expectations. she's right, it will take months. Probably not years, but months for sure.

Indeed, she is frustrated by my need to talk about it. Plus she feels that I am pressuring her with my affections (something that is not like me) which I have increased after finding out about the affair.

She's asking for space. Give it to her.

Good luck!