I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

Thank you NLW. I don't recommend doing this until you are truly ready and know you aren't doing it to threaten them or have expectations.

Thank LITB for stopping by. Yes, I have come a long way. And I do believe that when he comes to his senses he will commend me for respecting myself this much.

He came to drop off the kids and has been parked outside for the past 30min. This is the hardest thing I've had to do since "acting as if" in the beginning.

Every time we communicate or we're in the room together I need to step out because there is a part of me that just wants to go back to the way things were.

He sent me a text today,
I know you don't care to know but I will tell you anyway. we (S4 and H) just saw one of the best movies ever. Finding Nemo.

Next text,
After I texted you the last msg I turned to S4 all excited and asked him. "little one, did you like the movie?" S4- "No!! I didn't like that movie. I told you I wanted to see the elephant movie (Born to be Wild) but you didn't listen to me"

I wanted to laugh and respond but then I went from laughing to crying. I just didn't say anything.

H is a people pleaser. He hates this more than your average person. I'm a sucker for the small pulls he does to drag me back in.

I had a thought today. If God put us on this journey so that he would have a better relationship with his kids and I would change my negative behavior, then His job has been successful.

I should thank God for this journey. If it doesn't result in reconciliation, I thank God that is has made me a better mother, daughter, sister, friend and in time a better partner.

[labug]

There you go!

[2chiquitos]

Thank you labug. I get it now. What it really means to detach. It means to accept whatever comes your way. Let go and stop trying to control the sitch. Let God take care of it.

Now I know why it took me so long to get here. I was so afraid that letting go meant pushing him away and him not wanting to come back. But it's more about me having more respect for myself.

I can finally put my head down tonite and know that I did everything I could to save my R. I can look my kids in the eyes and tell them that I tried. God knows I tried. But I had to let go of the rope and let him continue on his journey.

I truly wish him all the happiness in the world.

[scaredsilly]

(((((vero)))))

i think i know how you feel, vero. i finally figured out what "loving myself" meant to me. we always hear that thrown about, as if it's so easy to do and we should know how to do it and what it means.

maybe others do but co-dependent people, like me, might not.

what i figured out, for me, was that loving myself meant protecting myself from those who don't love me.

i started setting boundaries for what i would accept and would not accept. it's made my life much easier. i know what to expect now and it's easier to stay on an even keel now; much less swing in my emotions.

[2chiquitos]

Thank you SS for stopping by. I truly agree that I need to protect myself from those who don't love me or don't know how to love me.

I'm really struggling with this. It's Day 3. Last night H put D4 to bed. When D4 falls asleep he assumes H will be there when he wakes up. So He woke up crying at 10:30pm looking for H. I called him and he didn't pick up. Obviously.

I text him. "D4 woke up crying for you" D4 ended up falling asleep right after the call so I kept the phone on silent and went back to bed. He called numerous times and text.

He showed up early this morning. I made them all breakfast and walked away to lie in the hammock in the backyard. Meditating, praying and facing my fears.

I came back in cuz D1 was crying for me. I noticed H didn't eat his breakfast but he's still here watching ESPN. Before breakfast he sat on the porch for a while and I think he was crying.

This is so hard for both of us. H hates this because this is how he grew up. He was his parents messenger when FIL would give MIL the silent treatment. H said he never wanted to have this type of a relationship.

God help me to continue on this journey. I am afraid of tonite, tomorrow, etc. I need to just see it as now. Worry about getting through it now.

[2chiquitos]

We talked on Sun. I haven't posted because I'm still digesting it.

He said he wants to come back. That he didn't want to tell me because he's not ready (nor am I) but he does want to come back. He said he misses me and the kids. When he's not with us he thinks about us.

BUT BUT BUT!!! He's still friggin communicating with OW!! He said they sometimes talk. I asked why? is it because you want to hear her voice, you miss her. Just be honest! He said he doesn't know.

ok...

He said he talks to her less now. I said, show me your call log to see if that's true. He said it's not time to show me proof. I said, well than I can't believe you.

I made it clear that I don't feel comfortable having this friendship w him if he's still talking to her. This is definitely my boundary.

I seriously don't know what to do. If I go dark like I did this weekend it's TORTURE! He tries so hard to communicate with me and makes it seem as if I'm being mean to him. martyr!

However if we keep things the same then I'm ignoring MY needs.

I prayed and decided to bring it up at MC tomorrow.

Before when I would find out he was still with OW I would brush it off and ask for more of him (come in the mornings, spend more time as a family, etc). Now I don't want to do anything.

A friend suggested I follow MCs advice and ask H for time alone. We are always with the kids and never go out alone. I seriously don't know if I feel comfortable putting myself out there and to later find out he's STILL w OW!

I also know that I am going to make H feel very uncomfortable when I bring it up to MC. We NEVER or RARELY ever talk about our sitch w MC. because I know he feels like a target. But tomorrow, I'm ready to expose the elephant in the room.

I am ready to tackle it and do it in a loving way. I am so much closer to feeling detached. God knows I've tried. I've put myself out there and done the BEST that I could.

[jks]

Oh my word! I feel for you right now. I feel like this was me in June of this year. This really brought back a lot of memories for me.

I hope for your sake that your H finds out soon enough that family is so much more important than having OW by his side. You really have done all you can do and I love that you're setting boundaries with him. He needs them! No healthy minded human being would ever want to have a R with another person on the side. He has to understand that.

I hope things go well for you in your MC meeting tomorrow. I will check back to see how things went. So keep us updated. (Btw, I'm staying cautiously optimistic for you...)

[2chiquitos]

Thank JKS. I appreciate your optimism. I'm at the point where if he goes the OW route then at least this sitch has helped us to be better parents to our children.

It's funny but I don't feel defeated. I feel relieved thinking like this.

[bustingout]

((((Vero)))) Stay calm. You have worked so hard in the past weeks to get yourself into a good place. That is yours. You own that.

Take it very slowly, work from love as you said you want to, while protecting yourself. It seems like a good idea to bring it up in MC. And as for OW...i know she shouldn't matter - in fact she does NOT matter, but we are told and have learned that our spouses have to be almost weaned off of them. they will grieve the loss because they felt they had an emotional connection with OP. bear that in mind. So good for you for re-enforcing your boundary. You are so brave. I admire you.

Please keep us informed.

I am waiting for you on the blanket ((((( ))))

[LITB]

Wow Vero. That is quite a revelation. I'm happy to have logged in before checking in for the night.

You are handling yourself beautifully.

Question for you, what is your goal in exposing the elephant in the room to your MC knowing that it might upset your H? I gather some direction perhaps? I have a suggestion on taking your boundary a little further, however I am curious to hear what your MC has to say. I don't want to speak out of turn.

Your hard work is paying off. I'm so happy for you.