I think I see the picnic!

[2chiquitos]

We talked on Sun. I haven't posted because I'm still digesting it.

He said he wants to come back. That he didn't want to tell me because he's not ready (nor am I) but he does want to come back. He said he misses me and the kids. When he's not with us he thinks about us.

BUT BUT BUT!!! He's still friggin communicating with OW!! He said they sometimes talk. I asked why? is it because you want to hear her voice, you miss her. Just be honest! He said he doesn't know.

ok...

He said he talks to her less now. I said, show me your call log to see if that's true. He said it's not time to show me proof. I said, well than I can't believe you.

I made it clear that I don't feel comfortable having this friendship w him if he's still talking to her. This is definitely my boundary.

I seriously don't know what to do. If I go dark like I did this weekend it's TORTURE! He tries so hard to communicate with me and makes it seem as if I'm being mean to him. martyr!

However if we keep things the same then I'm ignoring MY needs.

I prayed and decided to bring it up at MC tomorrow.

Before when I would find out he was still with OW I would brush it off and ask for more of him (come in the mornings, spend more time as a family, etc). Now I don't want to do anything.

A friend suggested I follow MCs advice and ask H for time alone. We are always with the kids and never go out alone. I seriously don't know if I feel comfortable putting myself out there and to later find out he's STILL w OW!

I also know that I am going to make H feel very uncomfortable when I bring it up to MC. We NEVER or RARELY ever talk about our sitch w MC. because I know he feels like a target. But tomorrow, I'm ready to expose the elephant in the room.

I am ready to tackle it and do it in a loving way. I am so much closer to feeling detached. God knows I've tried. I've put myself out there and done the BEST that I could.