Still together but trying to save this

[25yearsmlc]

yes you can see your niece. Bond's got a point, you just are not grasping what "Detachment" means or what it's for.

It's for YOU to protect yourself from further pain From being around HER

AND OR obsessing about things you have no control over

and to help you GAL.

As for all these people knowing of her EA and whatever else, the more who know the harder it is for you to reconcile.
I don't think you get this^^^^. PLEASE DO.

Being on "your side" is a statement that puts you both in an adversarial position against each other , as if it's a battle with a winner and a loser. It should not be.

I'm not asking you to lie for her. But is it really honorable to portray the mother of your chlldren as an adulteress or worse?

Truly, I don't think it reflects well on you for others to know.

I worry IT looks vindictive and may even make it seem justified for her to want out.

You can say "WE have OUR issues we both need to work on. I'm hoping we can work them out. I've loved her a long time and hope you understand why I'd prefer keeping things in our marriage just between us."

OR say less but don't make yourself into a victim or martyr. IT's NO ONE'S business and you might be surprised to know that most well meaning people, do NOT want the details. They just want to see their friends work things out...but you make it harder by "sharing" way too much.

I'm telling you, the belief that "they are all on your side" May well NOT LAST...
and may not be accurate now, just b/c they express concern to YOUR FACE...

I've seen a lot of people "change their mind" about the LBSer who drags others into their drama.

Truly it's NOT anyone's business and I hope this gets thru to you.

IF you divorce and she remarries OM a month later, then the truth will come out.