I just want to first point out how very logical your post above, appears.
As far as DB goes, it is all about context. IMHO, in the context of your sitch, being transparent IS the first step.
I want you to take a good look at what your H said about the counselling the two of you were attending.
Remember HIS context. You had an A. Then you attend counselling and likely share all the things that he "did wrong" in the M, which led to you seeking the A.
Do you think he could have come to any other conclusion than that you (and possibly the counsellor) were suggesting that HE was the reason you chose to have an A?
So first, listening. Have you read or taken any training in active listening? There's a phrase that says, "There's a reason we have two ears and only one mouth. Because we should listen twice as much as we speak."
Second, please do go out and get / read the 5 Love Languages. Learn yours and learn your H's. Speak and act in your H's LL in order to communicate that you DO care about him.
Really consider how you would feel if your H had an A. What would you expect of him if you chose to take him back? Unless he will talk about what he would need to see from you, to know he can trust you, then behave in a way that is trustworthy. How ever that might look, for you.
