An Exercise For Forgiveness

[sage]

Well...I finished "Learned Optimism" and thought I'd post a few notes from it since it's heading back to the library...

Re. Rumination -- When trouble strikes many women think and many men act. When something bad happens to a woman, she tries to figure out why -- she broods and relives the events over and over. A man acts -- he distracts himself from thinking about it. He'll go and take the next step without bothering to think through what went wrong. "If depression is a disorder of thinking, pessimism and rumination stok it. the tendency to analyze feeds right into it; the tendency to act breaks it up."

Instructions on how to keep an ABCDE record (a log of bad events and your explanations of them):

A -- Adversity -- Record your description of what happened not your interpretation of it. (Example: the dishwasher stopped working...)

B -- Belief -- Record how you interpret the adversity. Be sure to separate your thoughts from your feelings (which will be recorded later). (Ex: The diswasher broke because I am an incompetent housekeeper)

C -- Consequences -- Record your feelings and what you did. Write down as many feelings and actions as you were aware of (ex. I felt sad, depressed and mad at myself. I kicked the dishwasher and then did it again...resulting in a very painful evening. I also spent the whole evening in a running dialogue internally about how I am a terrible housekeeper. I had trouble sleeping as a result and tossed and turned all night.)

D -- Disputation and Distraction -- Distraction can be about using thought stopping techniques to break out of the cycle...but disputation is a good next step -- Giving the negative thoughts an argument. Go on the attack. Dispute the beliefs that follow adversity. (Ex. I am blowing things out of proportion. The dishwashwer is 10 years old and has been flaky since the day we moved in. Maybe it's time for a new dishwasher, maybe the plumber can fix it. But either way, this situation isn't based on my ability to houseclean.) Important: Use evidence, alternatives, and decatastrophizing to dispute.

E -- Energization -- Kind of a summary and identifying steps forward (I felt less demoralized when I talked back to myself. The broken dishwashwer is not my fault. I did identify, though, that I'm still feeling pretty badly about the state of the house and that taking action in this area would be a big positive. Doing the flybaby routine for 15 minutes a day would go a long way towards helping that.)

The book suggests recording ABCDE situations daily for a week.

Emotions and actions do not usually follow adversity directly. Rather the follow from your beliefs. This means that if you change your mental responses to adversity, you'll cope better.

the main tool for changing your interpretations is disputation. Practice arguing with your automatic interpretations ALL THE TIME from now on. Anytime you find yourself down or anxious or angry, ask what you are saying to yourself. Sometimes, the belief will be accurate -- so focus on ways to alter the situation. But sometimes the negative beliefs are distortions. challenge them. don't let them run your emotional life.

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End of paraphrasing!
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Sage