I just wanted to say that you are getting it, this stuff is really hard.
Thanks Cadet, I appreciate it!
Originally Posted By: labug
Sounds like an EA to me.
W has moved out and has made it clear that she is ready to pursue other relationships. I had no say in the matter, she basically just told me that's what she was going to do (and only after I asked what her intentions were). I do not believe she is having a PA yet, but she may be in an EA with a guy I know. He doesn't appear to be reciprocating for now. He's a good 15 years younger, I think that's why she's chasing him. Clinging to youth. We're not in a "trial" separation, as far as she's concerned she's gone and we're done. So even if I was engaged in an EA, which I don't believe I am, I'm not breaking any boundaries (because there are none).
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How would you feel if your wife was doing this? Would that be OK?
Well obviously I would prefer to be piecing and neither of us involved with others, but as I mentioned she's already said she's interested in pursuing others.
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What if having an EA just confirms for your W that she's making the right choice to leave the marriage.
She's already convinced of that.
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Does your "lady friend" know she's being used?
Used for what? We haven't said or done anything that I haven't said/ done with the male members of my support group.
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I think you're on a slippery slope, my friend.
I appreciate the 2x4, really I do. But I think you're reading something into it that isn't there.
Originally Posted By: labug
Yes Cadet, he can have friends but he even called it an EA.
Actually I didn't. Here is what I said:
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I have to admit I've been engaging in something approaching an EA with a lady I was best friends with in college. We've maintained infrequent contact over the years, but since BD she's been part of my support group. We've been careful not to go too far with it since we both know I'm susceptible to jumping into something too quickly right now. She divorced her abusive husband years ago and hasn't been in a serious R since. She's out of state, but ironically her brother lives 3 doors down from me so I see her now and then when she's visiting. I'm smart enough not to jump the gun right now, but it sure is nice to talk to a beautiful woman that actually cares about me versus getting treated like a distant relative by W.
I thought I was being clear that we're friends, that it could mature into something else later, but that we're both aware that it's too soon to escalate things. I probably should have just said "personal relationship" instead of "EA" because the word "affair" implies something against the marriage or against an agreement of some sort. But as far as W is concerned the M is dead and gone and we have no agreement to work on anything. Now she's not hateful about it or anything like that, but she really is being quite black-and-white about it. And I'm not fighting it because that would not be in the spirit of DBing. I'm just validating her emotions, GAL'ing and being a bit mysterious. That's all
