Is it counterproductive or taboo to compliment W? Thats kinda a 180 for me. I complimented her in the past but usually after she asked what I thought? Ran into this situation today and wanted to know if I was wrig!
Hello AML Started your thread here - will read from start in a mo. Wrig definition: cross between wrong and right - I like it:)
I'm not a vet but I would say we are all detectives and you will know if it's wrong by W's reaction/response. If she used to ask - it means perhaps she wanted a compliment or appreciation. It's always good to get things without asking. Next time if you think she looks/did great then say so and note the response. But don't do it just for the sake of it, maybe if you notice new about her. Just my thoughts Tumbling
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
The sad thing is that I don't know my wife enough anymore to really know her reaction. She just seemed kinda confused and laughed it off. To clarify, it's not like I never acknowledged my wife beauty. Maybe not enough? Not the right time? Don't know. I think that's why she had the EA and moved out months ago. She would always get down on herself and I would always listen and reassure her that she was the most beautiful women in the world to me.
Somewhere along the way however I stopped SHOWING HER. Physical touch and sex became less often. She of course blames me for not instigating sex, she never did as well. She never saw or understands that financially, work, and other that I was stressed and therefore didn't feel respected. ( can elaborate later) since I didn't feel respected, Often times I didn't feel like being intimate.
So I read a lot about goals. Here is a list of what I think my short term goals should be.... At least some of them:
1. Compliment her (just can't be overbearing) 2. Be affectionate when possible! Not relationship wise, more friendship. 3. Never talk about future. 4. Stop talking to friends about R 5. Dress nice. Regardless of what I'm doing. 6. Stop smoking 7. Go to the gym more. 8. LOVE MY KIDS AND MY LIFE! God has been good!!!!!! 9. Stay close to DB website, but do not live by it! 10. Finally understand that there is not a damn thing I can say or do to change her. She will only realize that she is screwing up when I show MYSELF that I am worth more than this! Make the change!!!!!! IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO BE A PART OF MY WONDERFUL LIFE, IT'S HER LOSE!
So I read a lot about goals. Here is a list of what I think my short term goals should be.... At least some of them:
1. Compliment her (just can't be overbearing) 2. Be affectionate when possible! Not relationship wise, more friendship. 3. Never talk about future. 4. Stop talking to friends about R 5. Dress nice. Regardless of what I'm doing. 6. Stop smoking 7. Go to the gym more. 8. LOVE MY KIDS AND MY LIFE! God has been good!!!!!! 9. Stay close to DB website, but do not live by it! 10. Finally understand that there is not a damn thing I can say or do to change her. She will only realize that she is screwing up when I show MYSELF that I am worth more than this! Make the change!!!!!! IF SHE CHOOSES NOT TO BE A PART OF MY WONDERFUL LIFE, IT'S HER LOSE!
I'm having a hard time with 1 and 2 as well. My only thoughts were because these are 180's for me. Over the last few months, since she has been back, I have BEEN detached emotionally. This is because when we got back together, W refused to talk about the EA from early 2011 or reasons she left. She acted as if we were just supposed to pick up and move on without discussing our issues.
According to her, nothing has changed and she feels "dupped" as I tricked her into coming back. I'll admit, I was emotionally distant and wasn't affectionate enough or complimenting enough. This was because I was holding everything inside because I was fearful of her mood if I brought anything up. Everytime I did, she would get angry and say that she didn't think it would work out. It would go a couple of days, we would be good again, but I would be distant. It was one viscious cycle. I'm not doing that again, but thought little 180s, while giving her space and detaching as much as possible would be good for not only her, but me as well.
