Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Sorry to hear about your dog. Such a sad and stressful thing to go through. We lost 2 of our dogs and 2 of our cats within about an 18 month span. Very difficult to have to see them age and make that final decision. I'm glad you and your Ex W are in a place where you can somewhat deal with this together. I'm sure seeing him will mean a lot to her.

Sounds like you are following have followed the DB principles very well and come out a better you.Finding things that you like to do and give you the opportunity to meet new people. I took my son camping a few months ago, just the two of us and we had a great time. I think he was a little nervous at first that I could handle it but it was fine.

I do appreciate you coming back to help others. I know what you spoke of before happens to me often. I get wrapped up in the "whys', etc. I forget the bigger picture sometimes. Thanks for being here to set us straight!

I'm signed up for words with friends. I've managed to play a couple of times.

[Brian in Hville]

We had lost one of our other dogs just a month after she asked for the divorce. you know, I actually miss the dog more then I miss her!

What's great about the DB principles, is that yes, it does give you a chance to reconcile with your spouse, but what it really does is make YOU ok through the process. It's sneaky that way!

Are you going to take your son camping once it turns cold? I think that would be more comfortable then middle of summer!!

this board was my sanity while I went through it all. The LEAST I can do is try to help when I can. I noticed that not a lot of people responded to you so I couldn't let that go. You will always have a sounding board with me!

Hit me up for a game of words with friends. I think my username is jazzman310

Brian

[figure-it-out]

Thanks Brian,
I'll look you up.

Yes, I haven't had too many people respond to my situation. Not sure why. Maybe because I've been in this so long and am not really struggling with everything that happens when you first find out. I'm still struggling though.

I think I'm at the point now where some friends/family are just wondering why I don't get this over with already, why I'm resisting. My SIL thinks it's silly to "stay together for the kids". I try to explain that's not what I'm doing. Do I think my kids deserve a mom and dad at home together, yes. Saying that though assumes I want the same relationship with H as we had before. That's the LAST thing I want. I really say very little about my situation to anyone except my therapist and this board.

I gain a lot though from reading everyone elses situations though. I just feel bad sometimes not offering anything up when I've gained a lot.

Oh well.

Yes, I will probably take S camping again (if he'll let me) We had a good time. Maybe D will find some time in her busy schedule to join us.

Thanks for taking an interest in me. I definitely appreciate input from someone who's been through the same thing.

Have a great weekend!!!

[Brian in Hville]

Maybe that is why not many people are replying to your sitch. You seem to say the right things. Regardless how this turns out, I know YOU are going to be ok and be happy. I have no doubt.

You also have a good weekend. Challenge me on WWF!

[longrun]

I think I'm at the point now where some friends/family are just wondering why I don't get this over with already, why I'm resisting.

I fully understand your situation - because my own one is similar. My crisis has been on for half a year and it has become obvious that it's best to avoid this topic in conversations with most people. They can't take it and don't understand why I am not just "switching off" the marriage by a quick divorce. Going the DR route is a very lonely endeavor. It's brave of you to have chosen it. If relatives and friends in your real life don't want to listen to you any more you always have this forum to turn to.

[figure-it-out]

That's the thing... sometimes I feel like I'm just saying the right things, not really living them. I question myself (more recently) on why I'm still here. I don't want to say waiting because I don't feel I'm doing that. I fully believe my H is set on divorcing me. He says it, he is living with someone else, etc.
I guess I just wonder if I could/should be doing more. Like my GAL, is what I'm doing enough? The majority of my time spent outside my home is either working or with my kids. I know much of that is because 90% of the time they are with me. For the most part I truly am a SINGLE mom. I guess I just need to make the most of that time. Connect with the adults who are also with their children at these events.

I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it and need to give myself a break. I guess sometimes I put too much pressure on myself to be everything to everyone. Maybe what I'm doing now is the best GAL I can do. Something to think about over the weekend.

Thanks AGAIN for listening. Go forth, spread your wisdom to other confused souls!

Have a great weekend.

[Brian in Hville]

So tell me...What do you want the final outcome to be? Are you ok with getting divorced? Are you ok with being a single mom?

[LaPoo]

Hi F-I-O..GAL and being the best you can be is so important in this process. You mentioned that most of your time is spent at work and with the kids while your H is living w/OW. Is this what he sees all the time as well? Have you done any 180's that would grasp his attention. I see alot of posts where people are making new friends and getting out to interact more with other adults. It feels strange at first but gets better. Give him something to take notice. Maybe this is something you should do. Hire a sitter or let H keep the kids while you GAL and show him what he's missing out on.

[figure-it-out]

Hi Brian and LA,
Thanks for responding.
Brian - The final outcome I want, have always wanted, is my husband back home. A marriage that really works for both of us and an example to our children. A family where my children aren't worried their dad will leave again. I have accepted that the end game of this now 2 years may be a divorce and me being a single mom. I wouldn't say I'm OK with it as it's not what I want but I can also see this may have to be something my H feels he has to do to truly feel "free". I also know for all intents and purposes I have been a single mom for the most part since the day he left. Some people who know us might say even before then.

LA - I would say for the most part, yes, this is what he sees. He has in the past sent texts when I have the off weekend with no kids asking if I'm on a "date" or if I don't respond that he "knows" I'm with someone else. He hasn't done this in a while and I don't know if those comments were made prior to him moving in with OW. I don't know when he did that for sure. I think he pretty much feels I would not behave the way he has and doesn't really worry about what I'm doing.
I do have plans with friends next weekend. I'm really looking forward to it. I definitely need to make more of a concerted effort to get out there. D should be getting her car within the next week or so and I'm hoping can help a little bit more getting herself and her brother to and from their activities.

[figure-it-out]

Thanks LR,
You're so right. This road is a long one and there are quite a few people who don't understand. I know they only want what's best for us (in their eyes), but it's hard sometimes knowing the people closest to you don't really support what you're doing. I'm glad we're all in this together. It's nice to have so many people here who "get it" and can offer such great support.