Journaling: I cycled again, back to the beginning, I spent the better part of a day last week when I wasn’t otherwise occupied pondering why she felt she needed the divorce. I still cannot fathom why she quit on us.
From my POV we’d weathered other storms more intense than this one, always found a way to make it through and build a stronger relationship. Past experience gave me hope we would do so again. Even up to today there remains a small amount of hope. Not that I am waiting around.
And so I cycled over the last week. I still feel a bit of resentment and I’ll work to let it go. I think seeing her at the Eagle Ceremony triggered the beginning of it. I chose to let it continue. I wanted to examine and try and make sense of it. I guess she did not need to leave so much as she chose to leave and most of her reasons were rationalizations.
None of this is a new realization. I’ve been here before. I wonder how many times I’ll feel the need to repeat it. I need to accept that she chose to leave. I am trying to do so without rancor. In my make up quitting is a sin.
In other news this weekend when DIL had a crisis and needed someone to sit with GD she called me first. The little girl is making more vocalizations trying out her vocabulary. She is almost 9 months now.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
