Why do I constantly have to be reminded about what a shitty situation I am in. Well tuesday my wife gave me a letter form the Clerk of Court about a outstanding ticket i have. This was supposed to be taken care of by my wifes friend who worked for the clerk of court back in June. Well she didnt fix it and now I own 220 dollars and this will raise my insurance.
Sent my wife the following txt. "Just called and the ticket was not taken care of. It is not past due, due to rescheduleing of court dates. This is my problem and i dont want you to have to worry about this, you already have enough on your plate. I was the irresponsible one not you. I will pay the ticket and the difference that the insurance goes up." No reply...this ticket even though it happened in May will probably make her upset with me and more reason to pull away from me but what can you do I cant control her.
On top of that I get a call from our divorce attorney to let me know that petition has been filed in court and he needs me to sign and have it notorized and send it back....looking like this is going to be a fun filled day...
M:30 W:31 D:6&1 S:3 Married 9 years 8/8/2012 ILYBNILWY Bomb Dropped: July 2012 Legally Separated: 8/3/2012
Wife has been pretty nice to be around let me pick the kids up yesterday. Told her we were going to the park and if she wanted to come she was more than welcome but if didnt I understand. Said she had housework to do. Also said she had to cut the grass which was code for can you please offer to cut it. I know how she works. I offered to trade getting the kids bathed and ready for bed for cutting the grass. She did not pass up that offer. She even fixed me a glass of water when I got finished....9 years of marriage, hundreds of grass cuttings, and i could count on 1 hand the number of times she has done this....i know it does not mean anything I just thought it was funny.
I am so nervous about tonights therapy appointment. Any advise on what to say or do is more than welcome...thanks in advance.
M:30 W:31 D:6&1 S:3 Married 9 years 8/8/2012 ILYBNILWY Bomb Dropped: July 2012 Legally Separated: 8/3/2012
I am so nervous about tonights therapy appointment. Any advise on what to say or do is more than welcome...thanks in advance.
Originally Posted By: twisted9999
To discuss how she felt in the marriage and how she feels now about our future or lack there of. I plan on just listening and validating her feelings.
Sounds like pretty good advice to me.
WAS like to have a good reason for leaving....if you're an [censored], that is good enough for them. When you are nice, that conflicts what they think, so they might try to push you so they can see [censored] again, therefore, further support for their leaving. Keep that in mind and keep refusing to let her have that justification.
On the D papers, you need to at least have a consultation with an attorney if you haven't already. You probably have a timeframe to respond, so you may be able to put it off for a while.
Quite honestly, I think having your W there is a terrible idea. She's going to go there to show others (not you) that she tried. She's going to feel ganged up by you and the C, then get defensive and come up with a HUGE list of faults of yours. And maybe throw in a line like "I see he's changing, but I don't trust them, etc."
Listen to what she has to say and let the C steer the conversation.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am so nervous about tonights therapy appointment. Any advise on what to say or do is more than welcome...thanks in advance.
Go in with zero expectations and you won't need to be nervous. It's probably not going to go well, if she talks at all it'll probably just be to say the usual "ILYBINILWY", "there's no hope for us", "I don't want to get his hopes up", "I don't want to try", etc. etc. She may talk about things you did that she didn't like- the gaming addiction, etc. Don't defend yourself other than to say you're working on your changes and are committed to making them permanent. And as you said, validate her feelings when possible. There will be no turnaround in counseling, so don't expect it. But, it may lay the groundwork for future improvements in the R.
Twisted by the time you get this likely you have already gone to the C.
I'll give you a little insight...IF the C is on your side? She is going to feel ganged up on. You're going to feel justified and smug, but she'll feel attacked.
The C isn't supposed to pick sides, just facilitate communication.
If she doesn't like the C? Why would she go back?
Maybe it's not going down like that. Maybe I read it wrong...I hope so.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Yeah..... I am the worse thing that has ever happened to her besides the kids. She never felt like we had an intament relationship with me our whole marriage. That she thought I was stalking her because people thought they saw me. that she only stayed because she felt she had to take care of me. She said she was proud of me that I have made all these changes and that for the first time in a long time she finally could say something good about me. But she said she could never love me as a husband.
I told her that if someone truly loved someone they would let them go and that I was ready to move on without her and I didn't need her in my life that I just want her to be happy.
How does someone stay married with someone for nine years, have 3 kids, tell me how much she loves me multiple times, makes so many future plans together, have sex 2-3 times a week and feel this way. It makes absolutely no sense. That is why I believe none of what she says and 50% of why she does. She will speak in absolute negatives because she is hurting and scared.
M:30 W:31 D:6&1 S:3 Married 9 years 8/8/2012 ILYBNILWY Bomb Dropped: July 2012 Legally Separated: 8/3/2012
