H dropped the bomb on me 6 weeks ago, he wants a divorce and says that he will not change his mind. I read The Divorce Remedy after the bomb and realize that I went about everything wrong up to that point. Lots of pursuing, begging, and emotional bursts -- everything wrong.
Don't worry about it, I think we all do it before finding DB! Also don't worry about the divorce comment, it's pretty common for the WAS to say they want a D, that there's no negotiating it, etc.
Originally Posted By: jendp
I am happy but still on the roller-coaster. Overall this was a big wake-up call for me that I needed to GAL and find myself and my happiness again -- mission accomplished but still working on this daily.
GAL is great for you, but have you also come up with a list of 180's and started implementing them? If you want H back, it's important to demonstrate change to him and show him you're not the same person. He doesn't want the old M and neither should you, but he may want a new M with a stronger, more confident, more attractive you.
Originally Posted By: jendp
"I will always love you but my decision to divorce has not changed."
Just ignore comments like this. Don't respond at all. If he wants to pursue it then he will, but don't help or assist in any way. If he quits talking D then consider that a good sign.
Originally Posted By: jendp
I have texted about 4 times since he left that I do not agree with his decision and I wish he would reconsider (the more recent text states this in a very low-key way but gets my point across) -- does that sound like I want a divorce?
No, it sounds like pressure. Pressure = bad. You're disagreeing with his feelings, you're highlighting that you both want something different. Quit applying pressure to him, it's not what he wants. Rest assured that he knows your position, no need to keep pushing it on him.
Originally Posted By: jendp
Now that the ball is in my court for when we talk, I am at a loss for what to say and how to approach this. Do I just stick to business matters or do I try and sneak something in there about the fact that I still do not agree with divorce and don't want this outcome?
He talks, you listen. Do not initiate any relationship talks with him. Work on you and your GAL strategy.
Originally Posted By: jendp
Do I just let him go and hope he snaps out of it?
Yes. Read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough. You have to open the cage door and remove all pressure from him. And read and reread DR and work on you. Good luck!
