Trying to Save my Marriage

[AnotherStander]

Hello! Welcome to the boards. Sorry you had to find your way here, but rest assured there are many shoulders to lean on here

In April, through massive tears I told him I gave up on our marriage and we became technically separated. We still lived in the same house (still do), share the same bed, spend time together, have sex and spend time with our daughter and families together. I thought we were slowly getting back together, my head was coming down from the clouds and back to reality and back to what was most important in my life although we were not communicating the greatest. About a month ago, he told me he was done waiting and was seeing someone else. This of course snapped me back to complete reality and now I am fighting to save my marriage, my husband and my family.

Wow, so you were a WAW and now you're the LBS. Unfortunately you told your H in no uncertain terms that you were done with the M. He probably started exploring his options back then. Even though you started emerging from the fog, he didn't know you were in a fog and still thought the M was over and just dragging along on life support. Have you communicated to him that you're seeing more clearly now and are now committed to the M? If so, then don't keep badgering him about it. He needs to know if he doesn't already, but if you keep harping on it then he'll perceive it as pressure and you need to avoid pressuring him.

My therapist says I should not give up yet and I really do not want to give up on my marriage, on him yet. He deserves for me to wait this out for him.

You've got a good therapist! Most would tell you to move on because that's their training. There is always hope.

This person in his life is simply giving him what I failed to give him over the last little while and I am going to try and show him that I am truly the person he fell in love with 15 years ago and not this stranger that has been in our lives the last 2 years.

It's great that you understand why he sought out OW. It's not about the OW, it's about what is missing in your M. Pick up the 5 Love Languages and learn how to fill your H's love tank back up. For now you'll have to do all the work, but eventually he should start reciprocating.

Its hard to not ask questions of where he is going or who he is with but I am refraining to for the most part. I am keeping my emotions mostly in check, especially when he is around and I have always and will always be my daughters number one fan and supporter.

Good, this is proper DB'ing. Yes it is difficult, but stay the course!

The next step my therapist has recommended is writing him a letter to tell him what I value in him and our relationship. and also what I see as our future relationship.

Write it to collect your thoughts, but don't give it to him. It's too early right now and he'll see it as pressure.