just reading your posts - your sitch sounds like mine with the two ow - the latest being from olden days. my h is apparently (possibly?) in "love" with someone from twenty or more years ago. it's serious i guess- i had no idea - really... i lament my stupidty and trust. i think i contributed to it too - not being more savvy and being too darn trusting and dopey, how the heck can we know every minute what the heck is REALLY going on with anyone not telling us??/ i got no communication about feelings, etc.- he said he was fine- i believed him. he wasn't anything like fine- he was haveing online relationships made really easy by the stupid computer- and they were gtting into dangerous territory.
i, like you, am floating along- trying to do this. feeling better than a year ago- still hate the thought of hating him- hate the thought of loving him. if i could just tell my brain not to wake me up in the night expecting some "answer" or solution - and let me sleep- i'd do lots better.
it's sure a wierd and up and down thing- the mlc - db. if i had not picked up this book by mwd - i'd be gone from his life i am sure. it gave me a little grain of hope- i guess since i went with trying it, i must care for him still more than i'd like to.
he is crazy and blind- if we stop having each other in our lives- it will be tragic for both of us( i think). i am not sure he will ever realize that- it's a 50-50 crap shoot. i can't believe i find myself in this pitiful life. but something to at least try is waaay better than just admitting defeat and slinking away.
my own thoughts are something like I don't want to just "hand him over" without even a "fight" of some sort. poor words- but you get my idea. about your working situation- do you think it's worth your while to keep yourself being in his face every day so he has no choice but remember how great you are??? i wonder if just cutting them loose makes it too darn easy to just switch sides -?? (my gut)
i spend alot of time away- not by choice- just in a bad scenario and feeling unable to change it at the moment- it's not good, being apart too much. I feel like you that some of my own actions have contributed alot to this awful place i find myself in.
i think we all do our best mostly- making decisions as they come along in life - who can ever forsee all the possible eventualityies that might occur. i'd say try not to blame yourself too much- i just thought i'd throw in my support here- sorry to find you here- sorry to find us all here- but i "run here" whenever i'm spinnign out of control and need some voice of reason to say- it's worth a try. people who are trying the same thing- however hard and seemingly hopeless (for me anyway) sometimes. it's something to try-
