Thanks Cadet. The thing is its not really childcare. It's a playroom in the mall! We have a 4000 sqft house. My point is that its frivolous to spend money for something like this. This is the reason I had to remove her from my accounts. If its there, she will spend. My problem is I never stopped it before.
I am also working on "going dark" and detachment. I find things to do in the house and do not make myself available to her. I am not ignoring, just staying busy.
Like tonight, I made dinner as I pretty much do every night. The kids were outside playing. I called them in, had them wash their hands, set the dinner table, etc. my W and D15 came back from the mall about 20 mins prior and W went upstairs to nap. When the table was set, I sent D4 upstairs to "tell mommy dinner was ready". During dinner, it's always the kids had a vibrant, joking dinner conversation. I laughed and joked with them. When W would say something to me, I would answer her, but went right back into conversation with the kids. After everyone was done, I instructed the kids to clear their plates, get ready for showers, and load the dishwasher. I excused myself to the basement to "work".
Detachment is very difficult in the same house, but I'm working on it.
One side of me wants to post continuously as things happen. The other side thinks I am spending to much time on here. I need to post continuously because if I let it go a day or two, I'll forget details. Since I really need and appreciate advice at this point, I'll use it as my journal.
So I came upstairs after working in the basement a little. Started baking banana nut bread for the kids in the morning. W came downstairs with her purse and said "well, I'll be back". I said "ok" and went on watching tv. She stood around for a minute and started talking about registering her number at a grocery store, kinda like idle chit chat. Her mood seemed kinda depressed, sad and confused. D4 came downstairs to give me a kiss before bed. I talked with her for a minute, and joked and laughed with her a minute, inadvertently taking my attention away from wife. I hugged and kissed D4 and sent her up to bed. I went to check the oven and wife left. I wished I could read minds. Is this my GAL, acting "as-if", and detachment working. I have to be patient and find out.
Is this my GAL, acting "as-if", and detachment working. I have to be patient and find out.
These are changes you are making for YOU. They are not being made to WIN your wife back, that will not work. So keep working on your changes and make them real.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Conserve your energy and keep moving forward. Each day. As time goes along you will see movement because a long jouney consists of many small steps.
So the W just texted me and asked if I can be home from work by 3:45 because she has a "meeting" at 4. Don't know why but I feel worried that she is consulting an attorney behind my back. Should I inquire or just let it go without asking?
I agree with Cadet. While my situation is different, the question remains the same. Even if he is doing _________ what would you do differently. Focusing on you and what you do versus what your H is doing is hard. I struggle each day. But it does let you reclaim sanity and also helps you focusing on improving yourself first -- a win for you no matter what happens.
M:44 W:41 M: 12 yrs W's EA began 3/12 Somewhere between WAW and MLC Still in same house
No I have not consulted an attorney yet. Funds are tight because to be quite honest, the wife has drained me. It also bothers me because she constantly tells me that she doesnt have money.
She usually is more specific where whe is going. Just peeked my curiosity, and i may just be overly sesative today. Im acting "as if" regardless. Not sure what kind of mood she is in today and worse, I barely slept at all last night with my mind wondering. I may very well just be paranoid. If she does, however meet with an attorney, guess it is what it is!
