Not sure I'm doing this right but here goes Ive been married for 17 years , and have two sons ages 16 and 13, its been half my life with this man and I think he is not in love with me anymore, He says he feels left out since starting working away from home five years ago, lately he has been gone three months and it's taking a toll, Atleast we are talking now without arguing but it feels like I'm walking on egg shells and it just feels fake and emotionless, He will not say he loves me or have a good night or good morning, just get this or that done, pay this bill and then I gotta go, click. I can understand how he feels left out but he has not made an effort to show the kids effection or do stuff with them without yelling or being bossy, so they just try to stay out of his way when he is home, and it hurts him, but his Dad was not a good example of fatherly love so how is he gonna know what to do. I don't know what to do , I feel like I'm in a loveless marriage , and the more I think about it I think he is cheating on my as well, he is really into his looks and bought sexual performance pills, hello he has not been home in three weeks WTH is he needing that for!? Anyway I'm just trying to be strong for the kids if I move out it will disrupt their schooling and I basically don't have anywhere to go anyhow. What's worse is he is going on a hunting trip oct 4th but all he will do is party and I assume screw whoever over there! I'm so freaked out and confused, it's really humiliating to think he is cheating. I hope I'm wrong but all the signs are clear He dosnt show affection or talk to me like a normal person I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing to set him off. He always threatens divorce if I don't do what he wants Im a pathetic mess I know
Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have NO EXPECTATIONS. Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
You are on moderation right now on the forum. SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it. Stick to this thread until 100 posts for your story.
Your H is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. Use it wisely.
Like Cadet said, read DR. I hate to say it but it sure sounds like he's got an affair going. If you suspect it then it's probably true. DR will help you to take stock of the situation and address it. Follow the techniques. Work on 180's. And work on yourself. If you need to lose weight, then do so. Dress better. Change your hair. Whiten your teeth. Detach and make your husband wonder what in the world you're up to. Good luck!
I have not read DR? I'm getting more nervous the more it gets closer to H coming home from work, this next Thursday, I want to confront him about my cheating suspicions so bad, but he just denies and gets pissed at me. It's gonna be hard to act like I'm happy and not bothered by all this. So I'm gonna finish some schooling and continue working out and taking care of kids and the house. Don't know what elce to do. If he is cheating. I'm done and moving on!!!
I know now I was doing all the things that divorce busting says don't ,,like: calling a lot, asking if he still loves me, asking if he is attracted to me, saying negative things about myself infront of him, crying ect.. Detaching is helping he actually calls now and we are not arguing as much. Plus I am doing GAL, got goals to finish some school and fixing stuff around the house, trying to peice some kind of life for me together.
I have not read DR? I'm getting more nervous the more it gets closer to H coming home from work, this next Thursday, I want to confront him about my cheating suspicions so bad, but he just denies and gets pissed at me. It's gonna be hard to act like I'm happy and not bothered by all this. So I'm gonna finish some schooling and continue working out and taking care of kids and the house. Don't know what elce to do. If he is cheating. I'm done and moving on!!!
DR = "Divorce Remedy", Michele's book. It's a road map on how to deal with situations like this. Your sitch is a little bit different in that you're on the verge of walking (it sounds like). But DB techniques will still benefit you. If you do want to save your marriage, then ask yourself what happened that drove your H to become emotionally distant. Figure out what your contribution was to what went wrong and do 180's on those problems. Also read the 5 Love Languages and start filling your H's love tank, his tank is probably empty and yours is too, but you've got to do the work for now. Once you start filling his tank he'll want to start filling yours too.
Do not confront him about your suspicions unless you're ready to leave over it. If you want to work on the M, just push it to the back of your mind for now.
I made a mistake today I asked if he missed me and wants to come home, his reply was "oh great your being insecure again" dang it I let my emotions get the best of me! My reply was "no" and I changed the subject fast lol. I don't think I'm insecure about myself but I know i am about the R.:(
Well we had a big blow up, because Im tired of waiting for him, catering to his crap, I can't just step back it's too hard for me , it's like saying ok step all over me it's ok oh ya and also stab me in the heart. He is so wishy washy and has to have the upper hand of the relationship well I Just getting pissed and tired of being taken for granted! Oh ya I confronted him about the cheating thing, yep that made it worse idk, he denied , I'm not thinking he is I just wish I knew what was wrong he says it's financial and us arguing which I agree, our bills are too much and he works too much, he needs a break, we can't keep beating each other up:(
