25, thanks for this response. Everything you said, *could be true* - but if I don't give it a shot, I'm afraid it's really not fair to anyone. Right now, I have a lot of fear coursing through me. The way either of us behaved in the past is something neither of us every want to do again.
I don't know how I am different now b/c it's only been a week with him.
I am trying to not act on fear, though. So I back down, slow down, wait, ask for inner guidance. I don't react/act... I question. Is it true? Is it true he is this way or that way (things my mind creates)?
It's really hard to know at this point. What happened to each of us in the past was all trauma-based and hair trigger reactions under a ton of pressure. We both admit to needing support. I've done a ton of work on boundaries and copdendence - he's read the books on withdrawl and has been very present to me in the past week. And I've been very consciously open to him.
I have a bad habit of falling in love with unavailable people. I was in love with him in the past - he was a bit unavailable - hence all my past relationships - so if you ask me if I'm in love, it's a bit of a trick question. My love meter seems to be screwed up. But I think it's back on track.
I am in love with him but I don't even know if that's relevant at times. Love is a choice, and I'm choosing to try to forgive, keep my heart open, and love someone who is essentially my family and who I would really like to be with.
Yes, he annoys me. A lot at times - he's slow, he sometimes mumbles, he and I are very different. But I don't know if that means we shouldn't be together. When I was dating, I met someone like me and it was enough to make me want to jump off a bridge.
For right now, I think this deserves my best shot. At least for a month or two, before I make any decisions to turn away...
