I am also working on "going dark" and detachment. I find things to do in the house and do not make myself available to her. I am not ignoring, just staying busy.
Like tonight, I made dinner as I pretty much do every night. The kids were outside playing. I called them in, had them wash their hands, set the dinner table, etc. my W and D15 came back from the mall about 20 mins prior and W went upstairs to nap. When the table was set, I sent D4 upstairs to "tell mommy dinner was ready". During dinner, it's always the kids had a vibrant, joking dinner conversation. I laughed and joked with them. When W would say something to me, I would answer her, but went right back into conversation with the kids. After everyone was done, I instructed the kids to clear their plates, get ready for showers, and load the dishwasher. I excused myself to the basement to "work".
Detachment is very difficult in the same house, but I'm working on it.
