This is a quote from wife on your other thread: "I want a strong man not a boy." She is saying volumes in that one statement.
In what ways have you left day-to-day decision making up to her? How much are you involved with the children? Does your special needs child have a physical handicap? How much do you help her with him? How much free time does she have? How much do you take her out...without the kids?
She's drowning in this life she has and she's extremely unhappy. Her will to find a chance at happiness is trying to take over....but without wise counsel. All she knows to do to change her life is to eliminate what she sees as her biggest block to happiness. Without eliminating her children (which is a good thing b/c some women do) that just leaves ....you.
She is physically exhausted and emotionally empty. That is a very scary feeling for a woman b/c we are all about emotions. That’s why we tend to base everything on how we feel. If she doesn’t have some other person who makes her feel special, she will find him. She’s already listing the requirements she wants in the next man.
In the beginning, she was probably happy to give up a career to make a home for you and the kids. Now, she feels she gave up a lot in order to be a SAHM. Life can be cruel and the rewards can be less than what we thought they would be whenever we go into making lifetime decisions. I read stories that sound a lot like yours……some have it better financially than others, but regardless of that, the W is desperately unhappy and at some point she starts fighting for her own emotional survival. At least, that is how she feels.
Your W has changed. She may point her finger at you, but life just has a way of taking its toll on us. She’s still young enough that she thinks she may have one last chance at true happiness and she’s going to be looking for it. That is a very dangerous state to be in. She is vulnerable to anything out there.
While you are waiting on your books, do some research on line for mid-life crises. Also, MWD has articles and chapters from her books here on the board.
This is going to be a terribly long road. She will not "snap" out of this. Hopefully, your M will survive, but it means that you will have to buckle down for a bumping ride. Her emotions will be all over the place, and you cannot allow yourself to think she’s coming around just because she’s more talkative or seems to be in a better mood that day. You will crash and burn if you do that. You have to stay focused on the goal and not her behavior. Do you know what that goal is?
Do not start sleeping anywhere other than your bed.
Do not ask for a separation at this time.
Do not offer to leave your home.
Don’t make threats of getting a D or anything like that, b/c she will take you up on it and that’s not what you really want.
Do not tell her you'll support her decisions or help her financially if she moves out.
Figure out why she sees you as a boy instead of a strong man…… but don’t ask her about it. How can you show more maturity?
Post every day you can, in order to keep your thread active with responses.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
